Why should i stay? BOYFRIEND doesn't want me to hyphenate last name IF we get married.?

家庭及人際關係 婚姻與離婚
2010-03-29 10:43 pm
We have been together for almost Our most recent argument is a rehash that got a little harsh on my part. I told him the reason our son is not a Jr. is because were not married and he is not my husband. ( and that i pity girls who give a man their child's name and then doesn't even attempt to stick it out with them- that is something only deserved to a husband). Just because we are playing house by shacking up doesn't make it so. And that if we were to get married i would hyphenate our last names. He will not accept that, and now he has been making things extremely miserable fir me because of the last name. I come from a family who know who they are and where we come from. I wouldn't call myself a feminist but, i have strong beliefs in the women rights.
Perhaps it would be another thing--but not likely- if he was so amazing to me, but he hasn't been. There have been major disappointments and setbacks in our relationship. But now he is walking around completely miserable and evil. Is this what its going to be like, if so why should i stay?
更新1:

sorry WEve been together for 5 years.

回答 (16)

2010-03-29 11:25 pm
✔ 最佳答案
I'd call you a feminist.

I'd also call you rather petty too.

You have a child with this man; you live with him; you struggle alongside him; but you won't take his name??

You're allowing your pride and vanity to rob your son of a father. Rather than joining with this man, you're allowing this little game of semantics to ruin your relationship and drive your man out of the home.

Pretty dumb.

1. Drop the name game. Take his name and join him in marriage. We men may be whipped and beaten by our women...but at least we can take some comfort in the knowledge that she's on our team. Take his damn name and prove yourself a capable woman through your actions.

2. Don't try to drive a wedge between him and your son. This is just destructive. Do you want to raise him on your own? Note I didn't say "Could you...". I said "Do you WANT to..."

3. YOU'RE the one who is making this guy miserable. He's with a woman who puts her own vanity ahead of her husband and child.

WHAT DECENT MAN WOULDN'T BE MISERABLE??

So knock it off.

Go plan for a small ceremony, and take his name and all the man that goes with it.

And drop the feminism. It's not 1990's anymore.
參考: Additional Note: Don't want to take his name? How about we throw out MORE marital traditions: 1. No ceremony. Just you, him, and a priest or Justice of the Peace. 2. No engagement ring. Doesn't really do anything, does it? And it costs a hell of a lot more than a change of name request. 3. No honeymoon. Just go back to your house and cook some dinner. No getting out of town and leaving the kid with the in laws for some romance. Just go home and try to catch the next episode of Dancing with the Stars. 4. No anniversary. It's just another day on the calendar. 5. No little signs that say "The Packersons", or "Larry and Sherri Hotlz" or "Welcome to the DePetrillo's House". Nuthin! Just how many traditions are you looking to sink here?
👍 4 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:53 pm
You're a mess, do him a favor and get out of his life.
👍 3 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:51 pm
He is the child's father. You do not name a child junior because it is your "husbands" child, you name him junior after his father if you choose to do so.

If you feel so uppity about it, why did you pop out a kid with a man you were not married with? Little hypocritical isn't it?

As for why you should stay, I can think of at least one good reason, YOUR CHILD...
👍 2 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:51 pm
If he is as lame as all that, why are you having a baby with him? This is not just about a name. You have been a willing partner in your situation, and you should not have moved in with him if you expected marriage.

Perhaps you realize that now, but you have a child together, too. That makes it even more complicated. If he is not treating you well, you have no reason to stay, but you need to make sure that he does pay child support and has a part in his child's life. Good luck.
👍 1 👎 2
2016-06-01 2:01 pm
Yeah, if you choose to take his last name then in a situation where the name is hyphenated, I believe you would take both names.
👍 0 👎 0
2010-03-29 11:01 pm
If you aren't married to him and he is making you miserable, kick him to the curb now. You two just aren't compatible so why make your lives even more miserable by staying together. Good luck and don't forget to protect your rights and the rights of your child after the breakup!
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 11:00 pm
Well honestly I think that the 2 of you just need to communicate with each other and find out what both of you truly want and are seeking from this relationship or marriage. To me it seems as though the 2 of you may nit fully be n the same page completely. I think that maybe if there was some communicating taking place then the two if you could actually see where this relationship stands. Im not sure that the whole last name thing is the root and entirety of the problems that are occurring. The last name scenario may be a factor in the arguments but is not the root of the problem. So I would advise that the both of you sit down and talk out the problems and get to the root of the problem && just remember that in any relationship or marriage both parties do have to compromise at least just a little. Trust me it goes a long way. Good Luck:)
參考: Mwah. Psychology major && counselor.
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:59 pm
Sounds like you should do you both a favor and leave, soon.
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:59 pm
Has he even asked you to marry him, yet? Sounds like you are both fighting over something that may never happen.
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:55 pm
I think you have answered your own question, why should you stay? You may now be seeing what the rest of you life with him will be if you get married. His assuming control and manipulation will only get worse if you finalize the relationship. If you keep "pretending" you have the right to walk whenever you chose. I would have walked yesterday!
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:49 pm
There is no reason that I can see. I don't think he's a good candidate for a sturdy husband. Apparently everything has to be his way and that does not make for a good marriage partner. It would be a mistake to marry this man. He's controlling and selfish and marriage to a man who is only concerned with himself is doomed to be miserable.
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:47 pm
You should not stay! it's a disaster in the making, i think you're at a point where you need an excuse to leave. Take this one and walk out, don't wait to make another one up.
👍 0 👎 1
2010-03-29 10:57 pm
If that's how you feel do not stay. Go, you give the attitude that you can do good or bad all by yourself, setbacks, disappointments etc........leave him.....if you feel this way.
👍 0 👎 2
2010-03-29 10:47 pm
honestly, doesn't sound like you should. If he makes you miserable over something as petty as a hyphenated last name, and is walking around all evil-like, then there is no reason.
👍 0 👎 2
2010-03-29 10:55 pm
If he not hyphenate you must alienate, get your young @ss out of there. Hyphenating is a basic right, imagine the other issues in your marriage if he not understand such basics as hypenating.
👍 0 👎 3
2010-03-29 10:50 pm
all my kids were born before me and my hubby got married. They have my last name and I still have my last name. we only been married a year and 3 months.

I have had a lot going on right after we married he left for Iraq my mother has been sick with cancer and there's been a few other things come up that have prevented me from going down to social security office. I think I am just added my hubby's last name we also have been through a lot with in the last 7 1/2 years. But Im mexican american and I take pride in my last name which happens to be my daddy's last name.
👍 0 👎 3

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