please edit it for 10 points?
2010-03-10 2:14 am
I enjoy spending time with children of any age and I have volunteered as a camp counsellor when I was in grade ten. This involved planning and supervising a wide range of activities and games for children. The activities included art and crafts, group games, and field trip to the Science Centre. The campers found me to be very patient, caring, and reliable. In addition, I tutored a classmate in math when I was in Junior High School. After helping her solve math problems, she was able to pass the course. I am very flexible and understanding and am planning to pursue a teaching career at the junior high level.
回答 (2)
2010-03-10 2:16 am
✔ 最佳答案
counselor not counsellor.but other then that i dont' see anything wrong :)
2010-03-10 10:41 am
Rather than explain it, I'll rewrite it. Besides the missing or incorrect commas, most changes are in uppercase.
I enjoy spending time with children of ALL ageS, and DURING THE 10TH GRADE, I VOLUNTEERED as a camp counselor. This (you should clarify the antecedent) involved planning and supervising a wide range of activities and games for children including: (but not limited to,) art and crafts, group games, and A field trip to the Science Centre. The campers found me to be very patient, caring, and reliable. ADDITIONALLY, DURING JR HIGH, I WAS A MATH TUTOR for a classmate. THROUGH MY HELP, she PASSED the course. FINALLY, I am flexible and understanding and plan to pursue a teaching career (at the junior high level.)
This is a very quick edit, you must pay attention to verb tenses… past-perfect, past progressive, etc. You should try to switch from the passive voice to active. As it is now, it's hard to read.
I enjoy spending time with children of ALL ageS, and DURING THE 10TH GRADE, I VOLUNTEERED as a camp counselor. This (you should clarify the antecedent) involved planning and supervising a wide range of activities and games for children including: (but not limited to,) art and crafts, group games, and A field trip to the Science Centre. The campers found me to be very patient, caring, and reliable. ADDITIONALLY, DURING JR HIGH, I WAS A MATH TUTOR for a classmate. THROUGH MY HELP, she PASSED the course. FINALLY, I am flexible and understanding and plan to pursue a teaching career (at the junior high level.)
This is a very quick edit, you must pay attention to verb tenses… past-perfect, past progressive, etc. You should try to switch from the passive voice to active. As it is now, it's hard to read.
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