我是一個女孩子,今年讀中七,
我發覺自己有一個很嚴重的問題,我有時候會不自覺向朋友講了大話,
有時候朋友問及我一些自己的問題時我不想答你們,
若果我不答的話我怕她們會生氣,我又不懂如何拒絕她們,
可能我自幼已經家境貧窮感到自卑,怕朋友知道我家庭的情況,
所以我就會不自覺地講了大話,作一些假的事來回答他們,掩飾真相,
當我意識到的時候已經講了大話,感到十分後悔,
我又不敢向他們說我講了大話,只好不了了之,但是大話愈來愈多了....
最近我認識了一個新朋友(不同學校的),她是一個十分友善的男孩子,
他與我同年,都是中七生,他對我都十分好,
我很喜歡他,他說也很喜歡與我做朋友,還希望和我可以做一對很要好的朋友,
有一次我與他談天,他問我曾去過那裡旅行,
其實我未乘過飛機旅行,未試過出國,我又不敢說出來,
因為我怕別人會知道我家境是十分貧窮,怕他知道中七都未試過乘過飛機旅行不知他會怎樣想我,我感到自卑.....
所以我當時一時口快騙他去過美國和台灣,
有一次他問及我朋友的問題,其實我比較內向,朋友不多,
我怕他會知道我朋友不多的事實,不再與我做朋友,
所以又不自覺地講了大話,我說我有很多朋友,經常一起玩一起逛街.......
我有時在家感到不開心,他問我發生什麼事時我又會不自覺誇大事實,
我講大話說我在家真的十分辛苦不開心,與家人相處都不和睦....
雖然這是真的,但係我誇大了不開心的程度,我希望他會關心我多一點,
還有很多類似這樣的大話騙過他.........
當我講了大話我就會覺得很內疚,很驚慌...........
我怕他會有一天從不知道什麼方法知道我講了大話,
知道我其實從來沒有去過美國和台灣,和知道我是一個朋友不多的人....
知道我講了很多大話騙他,又常常覺得他好像已經知道了,
我怕他會討厭了我,但係又沒有勇氣向他說出真相,
每次見到他都會感到內疚,心虛和不開心,因為對他講了很多大話了,
我想改掉這種壞習慣,但是常常都會不自覺地講了大話,
我覺得這樣的我十分可怕,恐怖!!!
我是否有病??我應該怎樣做??
長了一點,請不要介意!!謝謝!!
我有一個很差的壞習慣,應該怎樣做??
2010-03-04 7:44 pm
回答 (9)
2010-03-04 9:56 pm
✔ 最佳答案
妳能夠意識到自己的問題，能夠為自己所造的事感到後悔、內疚、心虛、驚慌、恐怖... 等，又願意拿出來與別人分享和求助，是解決自身問題行出了正確的第一步！這是非常重要的，要是你不願意人幫，沒人能幫你....講大話是很多人日常都會做 (我自己都會)，分別只在於背後的動機而巳。你的動機是為了掩飾"自幼已經家境貧窮，個性內向又朋友不多"的事實；妳怕的可能是被人知道後受到別人的白眼及看不起等所引發的自卑感。老實說這樣的妳並不算是十惡不赦 (妳只是想借講大話掩飾自己的現實，不是借此行騙)，但絶對會對自己的人際關係構成負面影響。
妳首先要知道的是﹕講大話是不能夠解決問題 - 現實始終係現實，無論妳怎樣說。交朋結友 (這裡講的是知己良朋，甚至係男女朋友)是需要交心的。其中就是坦白 - 雖未至於事無不可對人言的地步，但最少也不能事事欺瞞。因為謊言很多時都需要用另一個謊言去掩飾；撤了這個謊言後，又很多時需要用另一個謊言去掩飾，長此下去妳就要不停地為上一個大話繼續講大話，直至妳1)離開了那一埋人或2)謊言被識破為止。(通常都係因為第二項而停 ...) 記著紙係包唔住火 - 其實妳有沒有想過﹕妳的朋友可能早就巳經意識到妳想掩飾的事？只是他們不說出來吧了！
雖然現今世代對誠實看得不及以往重，但不少人仍以此為美德。妳總不想妳的朋友對妳 "冇句真" - 恐怕給妳知道之後，妳對這個人的信任會大減，甚至疏遠。當妳踏出社會做事後，人家看你能否承擔某些重任，能否對自己做過的事情負責是很重要的 - 最少妳能夠為自己的過失承認責任。有不少專業，例如醫護、會計、工程等都在其專業手則內加入類似要求，而且過去也曾以此去判定某些業者是否有專業失德的情況 - 這可是能除牌的指控。
經過長篇大論的解說之後，是時候談要講些策略。
[策]
1) 對人誠實﹕窮可不是罪 - 再者要妳現在肯努力的話，將來或許可以改變自己這個處境。再者要是妳遇上會因為別人家境睇低別人的"朋友"，不要也吧 ....
其實誠實地交待也可以很有趣、很輕鬆的。哦，內向嘛 .... 我個人係咁個喎！我係冇乜朋友，得唔得先 ... 你鐘意得我 / 與我交往 / 一起玩的話，你唔係咁都介意呀！(係嘅話我地唔好再見啦！)
2) 回避﹕講大話本身也是一種回避的方法，只是後患無窮。可以利用一些說話的技巧去回避的提問 - 簡單如引用別人的話語 (英雄莫問出處)，到借故轉移話題，甚至直接了當拒絕回應。什麼時候用什麼計策是需要對應返當時的情況、該提問的影響/嚴重性 (例如回答網友與回答警察的提問，總不可能是一樣吧)、妳自己的取態、妳想事怎樣發展等因素。
[略]
1) 思想準備﹕"提得起，就放得下"、"現在係咁，唔代表將來都係咁"之類的想法，對應對事情，處理人際關係有一定幫助。
觀點唔同，想法自然唔一樣，處事嘅方法也不同。(我係窮，但係我有志氣 / 有能力 / 我還未認輸 .... 或者關你乜事？)
平時多看些書，論說話技術的書、做人道理的書、甚至小說、報紙、雜誌 .... 邊睇邊想，對自己思考的能力多少有些幫助。
空閒時，可試想想一些別人可能會提問的問題，自己再想想以不同的方法應對，也想想這些方法的好與壞，再重新尋找較為好的應對策略.... 這是 mental exercise 的其中一種應用。
2) 身體力行
除了閒置在家，也可以考慮參一些義工，籍此建立自信，和訓練自己與人相處
的技術 - 也可以幫到人。又或者做些暫時工 / 兼職，除前述的好處，也可以有些許收入。當然身為學生，還是要以學業為重，參與這些事情應以不影響學業為大前提。
當然，透過運動可以改善自己心理上的不平衡，可以令自己快樂些；同時間也可以令自己體能好一點。
說了這麼多 (d 70後嘅死老嘢係咁長氣)，最重還是係要妳自己想變、肯變又真係去變。
參考: 自己
2010-03-09 10:43 pm
這不是病, 是自卑作怪. 妳既知是壞習慣, 就要有決心改, 第一步就係向呢位好朋友坦白, 承認自己之前講的都是大話, 那是因為自卑, 怕對方睇唔起自己.
睇得出, 呢位男仔都鍾意你, 若你能坦白, 一定能贏得他的憐愛! 男性天生憐香惜玉, 不喜歡逞強的女生. 但若被他先發現你滿口大話, 你就一定會失去他!!! 所以由對他開始坦白吧, 慢慢克服自卑, 就可以自然坦白地面對所有朋友.
戰勝自卑的一個好方法, 就係去做義工! 參加義工活動, 可以看到自身的價值, 提升自信!
睇得出, 呢位男仔都鍾意你, 若你能坦白, 一定能贏得他的憐愛! 男性天生憐香惜玉, 不喜歡逞強的女生. 但若被他先發現你滿口大話, 你就一定會失去他!!! 所以由對他開始坦白吧, 慢慢克服自卑, 就可以自然坦白地面對所有朋友.
戰勝自卑的一個好方法, 就係去做義工! 參加義工活動, 可以看到自身的價值, 提升自信!
參考: 自己的人生經驗
2010-03-06 2:37 am
如果你不想把真相說出來
可以開別的話題......
可以開別的話題......
2010-03-06 12:03 am
你係個冇膽鬼.冇勇氣面對自己係窮家庭出身.窮唔係犯法.窮冇人想.你太注重物質生活.冇真心關心過人,尤其是家人.現在自己有需要被別人了解才發現自己好衰.你都係自私鬼.你更加去利用別人同情心.去認同你去可憐你.
但比你傷害過的人怎算.別人有心齊你發展有友情.閒談間都冇句真......係個名乎其實唔可靠的人.請不要找什麽藉口說成保護自己.
保護自己唔係咁.保護則是５會把私秘亂講.你連一些公開的事都唔講.相處就变得無聊頂透.幸好你開始知道自己行為上偏差.而這些都是你生活圈窄小设有放眼世界.窮不是藉口.你要充實自己不一定要富先得.有自已興趣係有重要.康体處玩獨木舟風帆都係幾十元.田徑好多場都係免費.###總會搞活動唔貴.而行山好多團體都係免費.約時閒ok.去教會係免費.做義ヱ係免費.改变生活試d新嘢先.好多場合識新朋友.從新學習面對自己.
講大話慢慢會改善到無需要刻意令自己辛苦.而愛你都好缺少.如果你有足夠的愛.自然會灝比人.朋友會多.先搞好家人關係先.因為在家怎錯都有人睇.在這處學學先.家人就係咁用.
但比你傷害過的人怎算.別人有心齊你發展有友情.閒談間都冇句真......係個名乎其實唔可靠的人.請不要找什麽藉口說成保護自己.
保護自己唔係咁.保護則是５會把私秘亂講.你連一些公開的事都唔講.相處就变得無聊頂透.幸好你開始知道自己行為上偏差.而這些都是你生活圈窄小设有放眼世界.窮不是藉口.你要充實自己不一定要富先得.有自已興趣係有重要.康体處玩獨木舟風帆都係幾十元.田徑好多場都係免費.###總會搞活動唔貴.而行山好多團體都係免費.約時閒ok.去教會係免費.做義ヱ係免費.改变生活試d新嘢先.好多場合識新朋友.從新學習面對自己.
講大話慢慢會改善到無需要刻意令自己辛苦.而愛你都好缺少.如果你有足夠的愛.自然會灝比人.朋友會多.先搞好家人關係先.因為在家怎錯都有人睇.在這處學學先.家人就係咁用.
2010-03-05 2:33 am
人類真係好得意的
每個人都有吾同既想法同性格
假如你真係好喜歡佢既話,同佢講真說話啦
如果佢真係同你講個 '很喜歡與我做朋友,還希望和我可以做一對很要好的朋友'
咁佢應該吾介意你同個佢講大話!!
拿D勇氣出黎
同佢講清楚!!
每個人都有吾同既想法同性格
假如你真係好喜歡佢既話,同佢講真說話啦
如果佢真係同你講個 '很喜歡與我做朋友,還希望和我可以做一對很要好的朋友'
咁佢應該吾介意你同個佢講大話!!
拿D勇氣出黎
同佢講清楚!!
2010-03-04 8:39 pm
really you are sick.
BECAUSE WHAT U THINK
Actually i am as poor as u are. i have a compecilati family background such as poor, bad relationship with my mum and she was devorce . We have a big fight so i ran always from home for a year and i now life is tough!
that time while i was lived by my self i were a F.5 student .you know that time is a speical time can seriously effected my future!! Finally i just got 11marks....sometimes i did think if that time i didn't ran away maybe now iam a F.7 student as u are.
ha maybe i am out of track. what i want to say is when i was in that period i dont want to let my friends know what happend on me. when they were asking about what happened to me? i just wanna cry..........cuz i really feel helpless . finally i did told what happened on me. you know what?i was have nothing every day is noodles noodles and noodles!! they know i dont have the fire at home to cook and they were helping me to bough a rice cooker to me ! Also help me to carried thoes heavth drinking water from school to my home!! that's the result when i am honest! you should try!
2010-03-04 12:41:19 補充：
HERE IS THE SECOND PART:p because here not allow me to have a lonf speach lol
I dont know what happen in your childhood
but here is some of my opinios:
2010-03-04 12:42:31 補充：
First, u shouldn't tell ties to anybody anymore! but what those lies u did told you should let them past!
second, you need to find the good point on yourself not just focus on the bad side such as have a poor family
2010-03-04 12:44:31 補充：
IF u think this poor family is the reason that make u like what u are now! u should think what can u do to inprove your family. i did find a parttime job when i was 15 and now i still need to work!
third, u need to remeber and tell urself-->
2010-03-04 12:45:24 補充：
"I will not lie anymore" keep repeat on ur mind always that will be better! cuz what u said is u was tell lie without knowing
TRY TO keep smilling every day TRY TO treat your friends with ur heart u will get a good result from ur firends that u nvere expect=]
2010-03-04 12:46:35 補充：
If urfriends because u are poor to leave you~that kind of friends is you dont need in your life. think about it
Poor is nothing! In this world many people poorer than you a million times! but why the still can smile~be ture? because they eyes in focus on the bright side
YOU JUST NEED TO HARD WORK!
2010-03-04 12:49:09 補充：
I know this is tough i am lazy i know that keep hard working is not that easy i cant do it always too. So try your best to do the best!
wish u all the best=]
Ps.I have a bad english. in HKCEE english i just got level2 :P this LONG "bull shit" must have a lot of gramma mistake hope you can understand.
2010-03-04 12:50:32 補充：
BTW If u want maybe you can tell me how poor u are why u think like that and sned to this email .
use chinese :P
BECAUSE WHAT U THINK
Actually i am as poor as u are. i have a compecilati family background such as poor, bad relationship with my mum and she was devorce . We have a big fight so i ran always from home for a year and i now life is tough!
that time while i was lived by my self i were a F.5 student .you know that time is a speical time can seriously effected my future!! Finally i just got 11marks....sometimes i did think if that time i didn't ran away maybe now iam a F.7 student as u are.
ha maybe i am out of track. what i want to say is when i was in that period i dont want to let my friends know what happend on me. when they were asking about what happened to me? i just wanna cry..........cuz i really feel helpless . finally i did told what happened on me. you know what?i was have nothing every day is noodles noodles and noodles!! they know i dont have the fire at home to cook and they were helping me to bough a rice cooker to me ! Also help me to carried thoes heavth drinking water from school to my home!! that's the result when i am honest! you should try!
2010-03-04 12:41:19 補充：
HERE IS THE SECOND PART:p because here not allow me to have a lonf speach lol
I dont know what happen in your childhood
but here is some of my opinios:
2010-03-04 12:42:31 補充：
First, u shouldn't tell ties to anybody anymore! but what those lies u did told you should let them past!
second, you need to find the good point on yourself not just focus on the bad side such as have a poor family
2010-03-04 12:44:31 補充：
IF u think this poor family is the reason that make u like what u are now! u should think what can u do to inprove your family. i did find a parttime job when i was 15 and now i still need to work!
third, u need to remeber and tell urself-->
2010-03-04 12:45:24 補充：
"I will not lie anymore" keep repeat on ur mind always that will be better! cuz what u said is u was tell lie without knowing
TRY TO keep smilling every day TRY TO treat your friends with ur heart u will get a good result from ur firends that u nvere expect=]
2010-03-04 12:46:35 補充：
If urfriends because u are poor to leave you~that kind of friends is you dont need in your life. think about it
Poor is nothing! In this world many people poorer than you a million times! but why the still can smile~be ture? because they eyes in focus on the bright side
YOU JUST NEED TO HARD WORK!
2010-03-04 12:49:09 補充：
I know this is tough i am lazy i know that keep hard working is not that easy i cant do it always too. So try your best to do the best!
wish u all the best=]
Ps.I have a bad english. in HKCEE english i just got level2 :P this LONG "bull shit" must have a lot of gramma mistake hope you can understand.
2010-03-04 12:50:32 補充：
BTW If u want maybe you can tell me how poor u are why u think like that and sned to this email .
use chinese :P
參考: myself:>, all by myself, all by myself
2010-03-04 8:21 pm
善意嘅大話好多人都可以接受,
不過好似你咁講法,
好大機會會畀人話係大話精,
無人鍾意同你玩架!
快d改下呢個壞習慣啦!
我中學時期家境都唔係好,
自己仲幫過爸媽做無牌小販,
每日得70蚊返學,
扣埋船費車費同午餐,
最多係剩10蚊,都唔夠同班friend出去玩 = =
初初幾次唔去都無咩問題,
後尾開始有人問我做咩唔去,
我係選擇誠實回答,
唔掩飾亦都唔誇大,
千祈唔好當自己係悲劇中嘅主角!
班同學知道左都無歧視或取笑我,
反而仲好關心我,
有時仲同我window shopping,
全部都忍住唔買野陪我,
我好感動!
中學時期係最後可以認識真心朋友嘅機會,
你唔肯付出你嘅真心係交唔到好朋友,
大家都只會停留喺因為係同學,所以係朋友嘅程度.
家境唔好唔使自卑,
我第一次去旅行係出黎工作兩年後先去到,
朋友係重質不重量架!
你完全用錯方向去對待自己.
畀d信心自己!
雖然有d同學都試過話我做街邊檔,
不過我知道佢地係無心笑我,
只不過係大家熟絡咗,
互相開下玩笑啫~
呢個時候咪大方d,答佢:
係啊,所以我先晒到一身咁靚嘅膚色,你就無啦~
畀個下台階人地,又唔會令自己難堪,
下次講大話前試下停一停,
你一個大話要用幾十個大話掩飾,
根本無可能會唔出錯,
你身邊一定有人知道,
只係話唔話返畀你知咋!
因為以前我都有一個咁嘅"同學",
大家只係默默疏遠佢,
無人知道應該點去同佢講,
又怕同佢講完佢會睇唔開.
想唔講大話係要由你自己嘅信心開始,
一個人點都會有長處,
幾微細都好,總會有用得上嘅時候.
相信自己就唔會輕易講大話打擊自己,
加油啊~~~
不過好似你咁講法,
好大機會會畀人話係大話精,
無人鍾意同你玩架!
快d改下呢個壞習慣啦!
我中學時期家境都唔係好,
自己仲幫過爸媽做無牌小販,
每日得70蚊返學,
扣埋船費車費同午餐,
最多係剩10蚊,都唔夠同班friend出去玩 = =
初初幾次唔去都無咩問題,
後尾開始有人問我做咩唔去,
我係選擇誠實回答,
唔掩飾亦都唔誇大,
千祈唔好當自己係悲劇中嘅主角!
班同學知道左都無歧視或取笑我,
反而仲好關心我,
有時仲同我window shopping,
全部都忍住唔買野陪我,
我好感動!
中學時期係最後可以認識真心朋友嘅機會,
你唔肯付出你嘅真心係交唔到好朋友,
大家都只會停留喺因為係同學,所以係朋友嘅程度.
家境唔好唔使自卑,
我第一次去旅行係出黎工作兩年後先去到,
朋友係重質不重量架!
你完全用錯方向去對待自己.
畀d信心自己!
雖然有d同學都試過話我做街邊檔,
不過我知道佢地係無心笑我,
只不過係大家熟絡咗,
互相開下玩笑啫~
呢個時候咪大方d,答佢:
係啊,所以我先晒到一身咁靚嘅膚色,你就無啦~
畀個下台階人地,又唔會令自己難堪,
下次講大話前試下停一停,
你一個大話要用幾十個大話掩飾,
根本無可能會唔出錯,
你身邊一定有人知道,
只係話唔話返畀你知咋!
因為以前我都有一個咁嘅"同學",
大家只係默默疏遠佢,
無人知道應該點去同佢講,
又怕同佢講完佢會睇唔開.
想唔講大話係要由你自己嘅信心開始,
一個人點都會有長處,
幾微細都好,總會有用得上嘅時候.
相信自己就唔會輕易講大話打擊自己,
加油啊~~~
2010-03-04 8:09 pm
哈哈 講大話有時都係因為想保護自己,,, 我都成日講大話架-﹏-
其實 如果你覺得你真係可以同佢做好朋友,,,係就應該要拎個心出黎...
如果佢真係當你係佢好朋友,,你同佢講返事實出黎既話佢會仲開心.......
你呢D唔係有病,係因為你自信心唔夠,,,
你不仿大膽D 當人地下次問你問題時,,,講真話...
PS:其實 當果個人真係你既好朋友時,,佢就唔會介意你家庭背景,,.SO,你對住佢地就講真話LA,,,
如果佢地真係因此唔同係做朋友,,,佢地呢D朋友就識黎都冇用
其實 如果你覺得你真係可以同佢做好朋友,,,係就應該要拎個心出黎...
如果佢真係當你係佢好朋友,,你同佢講返事實出黎既話佢會仲開心.......
你呢D唔係有病,係因為你自信心唔夠,,,
你不仿大膽D 當人地下次問你問題時,,,講真話...
PS:其實 當果個人真係你既好朋友時,,佢就唔會介意你家庭背景,,.SO,你對住佢地就講真話LA,,,
如果佢地真係因此唔同係做朋友,,,佢地呢D朋友就識黎都冇用
參考: 自己
2010-03-04 7:55 pm
收錄日期: 2021-04-29 12:34:55
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100304000051KK00371