edit these sentences for 10 points - presentation to sell my self?

2010-02-06 5:54 pm

Can you help me to make it WAY stronger?
My name is _________ and I am 16. I was born in Montreal, raised in Hong Kong, and came back to Canada when I was 12. Having say so, I am bilingual in English, Cantonese, and Mandarin which will benefits the company since I can find a lot of customers from different background and increase the sales. Other than knowing 3 languages, I am a hard-working, organize person. According to the TTSB’s “Understanding who am I? Result”, it says that I am an organizer, helper, and doer. I am really cooperative and helpful, warm and kind to other people which will let the customers to receive the best service. I will help the business to build a confidence in customer’s mind and increase the profit of the business. I am interest being outdoor and indoor, so the company can put me in any positions. I can be an officer since I am experienced in computer and I can also be an advertiser as I am advanced with 3 languages. Lastly, I have excellent personality as a worker. I am sociable that I can get along with the workers easily. As well, I am really sensitive. I can realize problems very fast and solve them with appropriate solutions. I like to smile a lot, which can create a positive image to the customers, and again, help the business to gain more profit as they will purchase more with the excellent service.

回答 (2)

[匿名]

2010-02-06 6:11 pm

✔ 最佳答案

i would just delete the "having say so" part and say "i am trilingual in English, Cantonese, and Mandarin, which will benefit the company, since i can find alot of customers from different backgrounds to increase the sales." it's trilingual, not bilingual, because you speak 3 different languages, not 2. also, there shouldn't be an "s" at the end of benefits, and there should be an "s" at the end of background.

there should be a "d" at the end of organize. (I am a hard-working, organized person."

use this sentence "i am really cooperative and helpful, AND ALSO warm and kind to other people, which will offer the customers the best service." (don't use the capital letters though)

you need to change to this too: "I will help the business build confidence in the customer's mind and increase the profit for the business."

this one too: "I am interested in being both indoors and outdoors, so I am useful anywhere in the company."

"I am sociable, and can get along with coworkers easily."

delete: "As well, I am really sensitive" because it doesn't make sense there.

instead of "i can realize problems very fast" put "I can figure out problems quickly"

👍 0 👎 0

[匿名]

2010-02-07 1:57 am

bob

👍 0 👎 0