enquire letter批改

Fazai

2009-12-30 5:51 pm

一)enquire letter,有甚麼錯處
二)有甚麼可改善空間呢?

Dear Mr Patrick Hung

I should appreciate further information about the arrangement of Model Exhibition you provide.This year&#039;s two day Model Exhibition is to be held in December.I would like to have a counter in the Kowlon Bay Exhibition Centre.iIwould like get more information about the arrangement of Model Exhibition.

I would like to tell you some information about the arrangement of Model Exhibition.
For the date of exhibition ,I prefer 24 Dec 07,If not possible ,
25 Dec 07 also acceptable.the model to be exhibied is Janpanese Cartoon figuress.In addition,the budger is $7000 that included sep-up fee.

I also have some requirements about the arrangement of Model Exhibition.The number of table for exhibition must be 4 at least.The size of exhibition counter must
be 30feet* 15feet.

We would like to ask for the following information.May i know what facilities will
you provide?Could you please tell me whether where are any guest famous stars?
Could you fax us the floor plan and centre regulations?

If possible,we hope we could have a meeting with you to discuss the detail next
monday and tuesday?

回答 (1)

Jenkin

2009-12-30 6:50 pm

✔ 最佳答案

一句comment先，太多重複和多餘的用詞。information都出現四次。我看到二段已經唔想再理你了。
第一句: should係「應該」的意思，用唔啱，用would才對。但第二段又啱，所以唔知你點諗英文的。
另有很多spelling errors.可能是鍵盤打錯隔離，不過留心寫完看一次。

我會更改如下, 用番你想問內容，重新整理類同的主題分段，你自己留意下寫法有乜分別：

Dear Mr Patrick Hung

I would like to rent a counter for the Model Exhibition this Dec at the Kowloone Bay Exhibition Center.

For the date of exhibition, I prefer 24 Dec ??. If not possible, 25 Dec ?? is also acceptable.

The size of exhibition counter should be 30feet*15feet. And I will need the organizer to provide at least 4 tables. The models to be exhibited are Janpanese Cartoon figures.

My budget for the rental is $7000, including set-up fee.

In addition, could you outline the facilities to be provided? Please fax us the floor plan and centre regulations. For the event programme, does the organizer plan to arrange any famous pop stars as guests?

If possible, can we have a meeting to discuss the detail next
Monday or Tuesday?

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