PLEASE HELPME PROOFREADING 20分

It seems that Hong Kong should take advantage on this plan. What about Shanghai? Apparently, the Disney Company can promote Shanghai overseas and increase working opportunties in the labor market. However, it may bring long-term negative effects to Shanghai even to mainland teens.

I've no ideas what ideas you have in here! Even after reading your next paragraph, I don't see what you're thinking in this transition. I would write the following.

It seems Hong Kong should take advantage of this situtation to enhances the local scenic attactions in additional the theme parks.

What about the impact of this decision on Shanghai? Shanghai can take this opportunites to attract foreign work force to support the local market by having Dsiney Company at the core. It will bring immediate jobs and career prospects for university graduates as well as general laborer from other provinces.

It seems that Hong Kong can take advantage of this plan, then what about Shang Hai? Apparently Disney can promote Shang Hai to overseas countries to increase work opportunities within the labor market. However, it may bring long-term negative effects on Shang Hai [including]/[even to] mainland teenagers.

It seems that Hong Kong can take advantages on this plan but how about Shanghai itself? Apparently, Disney can promote Shanghai to overseas and increase working opportunties. However, it may also bring long-term negative effects to Shanghai and even to mainland teenagers.