幫我改下篇野(英文)

2009-12-10 3:28 am
Christmas is my most favorite festival since I can enjoy my leisure time in difference ways.
First of all, I would like to have a party with my family members or friends. We can play some games, dance together or exchange the presents with each others. We can sing Christmas carols together, too. In order to keep the good memory, the most important thing is to take lots of photos. In addition, it is joyful for each others to share the season greetings to their friends by posting the Christmas cards so as to concern their living. Every year, we can go to Tsim Sha Tsui to see the decorative lighting between the two sides of the Victoria Harbor . It is colorful and beautiful and makes me feel great. Moreover, we can have buffet or Christmas meals with delicious food. For example, turkey or salad. Finally, we can put a Christmas tree to decorate our home. I think Christmas is a nice day. We can do something special in that day. I wishing you can have a happy Christmas holiday.

The use of IT in Hong Kong is very common. For businesses, they use IT to do promotions, they can design s website to promote their goods or service. These can let more people to know their products. They can use IT to do online stores too. Nowadays, more people like to buy things in internet, so they can do online stores. For young people, they can use IT to look for information for homework or curiosity. It is convenient for young people to use. They can use IT for chatting with friends and send e-mail to other. Moreover, we can Harbor in online stores. It is very easy. Young people can also listen music, watching a film or playing computer games, too. Although IT makes our life more convenient, it also contains many dangers. Our personal information will be stolen. The strangers in chat rooms are very danger. I think we should be careful for use of IT. We should be smart, use the IT correctly and provide the dangers.


回答 (2)

2009-12-10 6:13 am
✔ 最佳答案
你整體上寫得不錯,有文有路,或許只提點少少給你修修飾,把有些句子的內容重組成相關的主題:第一段是聖誕對你意義,第二段是家中可以做的節日活動,第三段是節日在外面可以做的活動,第四段的結語或總結你對聖誕的祝福。
段落內容的操控可以多加留意,不要把一堆堆不同的內容夾雜夾寫。文法和句子結構都不錯,只是用錯了很多conjunction,不太懂編排和有寫多了很多不用的字[空格]。Well done.

Christmas is my most favorite festival because I can enjoy my leisure time in difference ways. More than anything, it is joyful to share the season greetings to friends by posting the Christmas cards so as to show concerns for their well beings.

According to tradition, we can put a Christmas tree to decorate our home. We can do something special on that day. I can have a party with my family members or friends. We can play some games, dance and exchange presents with each others. We can sing Christmas carols , too. In order to keep the good times for memory, the most important thing is to take lots of photo.

Every year, we go to Tsim Sha Tsui to see the decorative lightings on both sides of the Victoria Harbor. They are colorful and beautiful and make me feel wonderful. Moreover, we can have buffet or Christmas meals with delicious food such as turkey and salad.

I think Christmas is a very special holiday to enjoy with loved ones. I wish you (或everyone) can have a happy Christmas .

只給你改一篇,一次過改咁多似做你的私人補習。希望你看得明白,識得自我改進。
2009-12-10 10:46 pm
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http://www.hkenglishstudy.info



祝您好運!


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