My cousin and I used to be best friends. When she met her bf 3 years ago I became non existant to her. Hes a crack addict, and hes verbally and physically abusive. My family and I have tried all we can to help her. Its to the point we believe some of her comments about her situation and their repeated breakups are for attention. She only comes over now to borrow money or anything else, (booze, clothes,food) and its as if we are nothing but the free marketplace to her. She doesn't spend time with my mom or me anymore despite how close we were.
I am beyond insulted that she would cut me out of her life to live this way. I've begged her, cried to her, written her letters (shes thrown them away) and yelled at her. Still, she isn't sorry for abandoning me. The only time she sees me and says sorry is when he threatens to dump her and shes worried she'll have nowhere to go.
My mom says shes still family so i cant tell her how much i hate her. She says future weddings and parties will be uncomfy if I do. I've expressed all my anger in a letter but its so bitter my mom says even that is a bad way to do it. How can I relieve myself from all this negativity and hate, let her understand how shes hurt me, and still have some family harmony?
(Also as a side note, she screwed my boyfriend a week after he ditched me on my prom night and she still has never apologized. He has, but I guess she doesnt think shes done something wrong. Would It be a bad idea to get that off my chest do?)
If you were me, what would you do about all this?
I truly hate her, but she's family, what to do?
2009-09-13 4:28 am
回答 (3)
2009-09-13 4:49 am
Ok.. I feel like I just read a chapter out of my book... I went through the same situation with my cousin right down to the fact she screwed my boyfriend !!! Now I understand hate but it isn't healthy .. Don't give her the satIsfaction of giving her that much of your time. There are a few things that should help. Don't answer her calls if she calls repetitive then just pick up and hang up. When she confronts you stop begging for her apologies, your never going to get them. Tell her your too busy to deal with her drama and when she needs to borrow things tell her you just don't want to. Stop giving her everything she asks for you and your mom are enablers ..! Did you ever think that she is just a selfish person that will take until she sucks the life out of you? Learn to move past this. She may be cracking it up too!!!
2009-09-13 4:44 am
Hate is a strong word to use.. I am sure you are filled with anger,m hurt, disappointment and also are fed up with her and how she is treating you. Well it looks like she has made her choice, she can't help herself, she is in too deep. You should burn the letter you wrote and let it go, You must move on with your life... You should stop giving her money, clothes etc, as you are only allowing her to continue the behaviour and you are enabling her.
You must realize you have no control of anyone but yourself. I know you love and care for her, but you will have to do it from a distance and hope that she will break away from this terrible situation. You can't make her do anything and you must stop beating yourself up for the choices she is making.... It has nothing to do with you or your family. She can't be part of your life anymore and you must move on until the time she gets her act together, if ever. I know it will hurt, but you must let go ....
You must realize you have no control of anyone but yourself. I know you love and care for her, but you will have to do it from a distance and hope that she will break away from this terrible situation. You can't make her do anything and you must stop beating yourself up for the choices she is making.... It has nothing to do with you or your family. She can't be part of your life anymore and you must move on until the time she gets her act together, if ever. I know it will hurt, but you must let go ....
2009-09-13 4:42 am
write a diary, write down all sort of stuffs you wanna express and it works! Well i think your cousin is being emotional and actually she is the one who is abandoning herself. I know this kind of feelings when you really try to help someone but they didn't care at all. Hatred is never a good thing but also a thing which is unavoidable. Just stay calm seeing her and fake a smile and hug and stop talking. i have a big family and there are someone i dont like, which they dont like me as well, we just fake a smile and hug each other and that's it.
Of course it's the best that you can communicate with her and try to be friends again. Anyway you can talk to me if you really want someone to talk to.
Of course it's the best that you can communicate with her and try to be friends again. Anyway you can talk to me if you really want someone to talk to.
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