pLEASE HELP ME

Please see my suggested amendments in red.
Good morning/afternoon everyone. Today, I would like to share with you all a TV show that I have watched during this summer -- Britain got talent. In this show every competitor needs to perform in front of three judges. Each judge gets one buzzer. If three buzzers lights up with a red cross, the performance will end immediately and he/she is out.
There are three series altogether. The winner of each series can receive 100,000, and is given the opportunity to perform at the Royal Variety Performance in front of the members of the Royal Family, including the Queen.
I think this is a marvelous show because we can enjoy every competitor’s talent like magic, singing, dancing; anything that they thought are their talent. And it can also give them a boost and make their dream come true, like Susan Boyle and Paul Potts . Although their appearance are so common and ordinary, still they sing inconceivable well. This causes the judges to feel very astonished and now they two are well-known all around the world, like a Hollywood Star.
So if without this show, they won’t be so successful and got reputation. Therefore, I hope the producers can make more talent shows, so as to let more ordinary people to become like a Hollywood star. Thank You.

hi i am f1

i think this would be better

Good morning/afternoon everyone. Today, it is my pleasure to share with the all of you, about a TV show that I have watched during this summer--"Britain's got talent". In this show, every competitors need to perform in front of three judges, and each judge has one buzzer, if three buzzers are lighted up with a red cross, the performance will end immediately and he/she will be disqualified.
There are three series altogether. The winner of each series will receives £100,000, and is given the opportunity to perform at the Royal Variety Performance in front of the members of the Royal Family, including the Queen.
I think this is a marvelous show because we can enjoy every competitor’s talents, like magic, singing, dancing, and a lot more which you can never imagine unless you watch the whole show. Also, it can gave them a boost and let them walk one more step further to fulfill their dreams. For example, just like Susan Boyle and Paul Potts , although their appearance are no more than any other ordinary people, yet their singing talent is stunning. The judges all were astonished. Now they the both of them are well-known all around the world, like a Hollywood Star.
Maybe without this show, they might not succeed and got reputation, Therefore, I hope there will be more fabulous talent shows, so as to allow the ordinaries become extraordinaries, fulfill dreams which are to be fulfilled, and to perfect whatever is supposed be flawless.

This is the end of my presentation and I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you.

btw, it takes you 2 mins if u talk fast, but if you talk slowly, it might take you 2 and a half mins or so. anw, if you add a bit of actions and expressions, your presentation would be great.

hope i can help you.

2009-09-11 19:24:21 補充：
oh sorry

it should be

"like hollywood stars"

2009-09-11 19:25:21 補充：
as well as

"they might not get reputation"

2009-09-11 19:25:54 補充：
just use my passage la

Excellent work!