幫我點評下呢篇英文writing

同你做proof-read, 不如教你寫好d. 用自己文字, 總比從別人得來的好.

Dear Editor,

I would like to express my opinion about dangers of gambling. In my opinion, gambling ......etc.
[要forceful一點. 你的In my opinion..........., 其實可以考慮刪除, 因為下文已經詳說]


Firstly, gambling just a game for people, we must not consider it as a method of earn money. Some of gamblers .......... because of cannot repay dept.
[第一句應斷為兩句. 另外, 還是要forceful一點. 你可以試: Gambling, by its origin, is a game of win-and-loss. When valuables are added for extra excitement, its comes gambling. We must not consider it as a way of making fast and easy money, not to mention a short-cut to a wealthy life.你跟著可以英譯"小賭怡情 大賭亂性"的道理, 也可以說說沉迷賭博的一些財政上的後果.]



Secondly , wallowing in gambling may make people ignore ..........lifestyle.
[在說出賭博的一些對社交或家庭的影響時應該提出社會實例]



Thirdly, gambling may make people feel perplexwd and stressed because the gambler would worry about the result, it means they afraid of losing money. A recently survey had shoen that if somebody feel perplexed and stressed oftentimes, it may leadto mental disorder.
[在說出賭博的一些對心理的影響時應該提出實例, 更應提供一些由專業輔導的情況]





In a nutsell, a little gambling for us is not too bad but if we start wallowing in gambling, it will just cause some bad results.
[你要說服別人, 用的字也應比較強硬一點. "is not too bad" 等等若真要用上的話, 就改成"can be good / could be good". 寫這類要直接點. not too bad 不如 good, fine, acceptable等正面字.
By all means, a little gambling now and then could be an entertainment for all folks of life. But if we allow it to grow to be an obession, it can and will ruin a perfectly normal life and leave behind a psychologically and financially crippled person.]



[你只在Firstly那裡用了must, 而其他的你用了may. 你自己都在用may, 怎說服人呢? 改做will / can等肯定的字, 力量就加大了.]

Dear Editor,

I would like to express my opinion about the dangers of gambling. In my opinion, gambling is not good for us because it can tempt us to do something bad or unlawful, for example, hurting the feeling of our family members, waste money in a unnecessary way, commit grand theft crime, etc.

Firstly, gambling is just a game for people. We must not consider it as a method of earning money. Some of the gamblers like to stay in a casino at all times because they think they can earn more money or even able to borrow money from the casino. At last, they would very likely to be in trouble because they cannot repay the debt.


Secondly , gambling may make people ignore other important things and people. Gamblers stay in the casino at all times have another disadvantage. They do not have enough time to stay with their friends and family members. This situation would deteriorate their relationship with friends and family members. Furthermore, if somebody only spends all of his time in gambling, then one will miss a lot of important things in life like working or exercising. It actually affects our normal lifestyle.

Thirdly, gambling may make people feel perplexed and stressed because the gambler would worry about losing money. A recently survey had shown that if somebody feels perplexed and stressed frequently, it may lead to some type of psychiatric/mental disorder.

In a nutsell, a little gambling for us is not too bad. However, it will be detrimental to many different angles of life if we get too intoxicated in gambling.