英文..幫我check grammar..(今晚10點完成)

Good afternoon every one. Have you ever lost any friends due to them having new friends? Now, let me tell you a story which is called "When Forever Ends".

Molly and Katie has always been best friends. One day when Molly tossed American history test into her locker, she noticed a small envelope flutter to the ground, Molly's name was printed on the front in plain block letters, she did not know whom it was from. "Dear Molly, I'm sorry, but we can't be friends anymore. Look, it's nothing you did, I just don't want to be friends anymore,okay". Guess who wrote Molly this letter? It's her best friend,Katie. Holly guessed the letter was just a joke because they have been best friends forever and they never had any fights. But she knew her guess was extremely wrong when she saw Katie and her new friend Bev on the staircase. "Look,Molly,Katie doesn't want to be friends with you anymore,okay? She's my friend now."Bev said. Then Bev grabbed Katie's sleeve and pulled her up the stair. But Molly's ex-friend only shoe her one last helpless look.


Molly always treasures friendships. Katie chose to leave her but she still kept the bracelet which was made by Katie. From this little story, do you think that Molly is very stupid? She has done nothing wrong but now she has lost her best friend.

2009-03-25 21:17:31 補充：
In my own opinion, frienship is about trust. Time will go and you will grow, but the memory should always be there. No one can take away this history between 2 people. Only because your friend does not see you as often as before, it does not mean that you have lost a friend.

2009-03-25 21:18:04 補充：
If you treasure someone as your best friend in your heart, you do not ask for any return and he or she will always be your best friend. Just like the story between Molly and Katie.

2009-03-25 21:18:26 補充：
10 years later, when they bump into each other on the street, they will have a smile on the face and remember what happened today...)

2009-03-25 21:19:02 補充：
(translation of your chinese paragraph: I think that friendship is a priceless gift. If you have to force someone to be your friend, then there is no point to keep this person as a friend.

2009-03-25 21:19:11 補充：
This should all be voluntary and you should feel the comfort when your friend is around. As what Shakesphear has said, your father is your gift, your brothers are your comfort, friends are both! Please treasure people who are around you as you know they are what you called real friends)

2009-03-25 21:19:40 補充：
Sorry it has been cut into different parts as my answer was FAR TOO LONG...

我估你係小學左初中左右程度, 我盡用一D簡單字句


Good afternoon every one. Do any of your friends stop the relationship with you since they have other new friends? Now, let me tell you a story “When Forever Ends
Molly and Katie is best friend”(你呢句文法上有些問題, 但因為呢個係你故事既名, 你自己改比較好). They have sworn to each other and become best friends forever. But one day (deleted “when”) Molly tossed an American history test into her locker and then a small envelope fluttered onto the ground (我建議你用 ”a small envelope dropped down from the locker”). Molly's name was printed on the front in plain blocked letters, and there was no signature at the end of the letter. "Dear Molly, I'm sorry that we can't be friends anymore. Look, it's nothing about what you have done; I just don't want to be your friend anymore, okay?". Guess who wrote Molly this letter? It's her best friend, Katie. I guess this letter was just the kind of teasing and bantering that are part of healthy friendship since they hadn't fought for a long time. But she knew her guess was (deleted “extremely”) wrong when she saw Katie and her new friend Bev in the staircase."Look, Molly, Katie doesn't want to be your friend, okay? She's my friend now." Bev said. Then Bev grabbed Katie's sleeve and pulled her up the stair, and Molly's ex-friend only looked at her (deleted “one”) last helpless look.

Molly treats a friendship seriously, Katie chooses to leave her but she still keeps the bracelet which (deleted “was”) Katie made for her. Through this article, do you think Molly is very stupid? She didn’t do anything and try to save this relationship.

我既意見:
你既優點:
- 有現實例子係好, 加強說服力
- 最後一句話 無助眼神用我不錯, 有感染力

至於缺點:
- 你有不少錯別字, 作完文最好成篇睇過一次先好交
- 你有少少grammar錯誤
- 你既字句格式可以再改善下. 例如你寫"it's nothing you did", 呢句你咁寫意思變左做"沒有任你事是你所做的", 但你原意係"不是因為你做的事"
- 睇得出你有D字你唔識有問過人, 呢個係好事. 但果D字太少用, 係你既程度來說係唔會識用, 所以睇落好怪
-有D字句太口語化 like"holly", "guess what?" . 但呢D係學校文章要避免

2009-03-25 20:43:58 補充：
In my opinion, I do not think a friendship is “priceless”. A friend is not worth if the relationship has to be kept by threatening and benefits. Shakespeare has said “(請找回原作者原句)”

2009-03-25 20:44:06 補充：
Finally as a conclusion, please treasure the friends those who always stay with you and never leave you when you are in trouble.

2009-03-25 20:44:31 補充：
注意!!一D名人語錄例如莎士比亞, 千萬不要自己作, 一定要一字一句都要抄番原著. 所以呢句你要自己搵番原著. 因為你改一隻字就已經唔係罵個人當所講既野

my comment:
你前後有矛盾, 開始時覺得友情不是無價, 但又覺得要珍惜. 我建議你要有個清楚立場