求救!!!!!高手們幫我改下篇文la~~~唔該(20分)

I have been out of work almost for four months.
"for almost four months"會好少少~


Actually, I had got several chances of job interview.

應用have got
留意past perfect只在有比較時用~
(i.e. 兩件同樣以前發生~但其中一件發生得再早d~)


However, no anyone to hire me

no one hired me
no 和 anyone 不會一起用~
普通句式中 noun 和 verb 中間也不會有 to (e.g. I to swim)
除非是"There is no one to hire me"


It makes me worry that my money of the account of bank are unceasing reducing.

It made me worried that...
(這些都已經過去[made]~worried = 令人發愁)
...my money in the bank account... (preposition)
...would be unceasingly reducing.
(那時仍未發生[would]~不能兩個adj同用~總有一個變adv. [unceasingly]~)


Fortunately, the situation has change eventually.
...has changed...


My team leader of the company which I had worked before, he gave me a call to ask me to do a freelance about 3D drawing.
這裏had work用得對~因為在他called你之前已worked過~

不過應該是~
My team leader of the company, which I had worked before, gave me a call to ask me to do a freelance about 3D drawing.

which類似補充說明~成句唔要都唔會改變其他句子結構~
所以你原本那句就等如~
"My team leader of the company...he gave me..."
就多左個 he~
(其實兩個逗號可以唔要~加左只係方便你睇~)


Thought I did not know the detail about the freelance job, I still glad to accept it immediately.

...details...
...I was still glad to...


And I went to the place where the client appoints with.

Then, I went to the place...
通常最好唔好用and開頭~(其實then都唔一定要用~)

...where the client had appointed.
你去之前個客已appoint~所以又係past perfect~
appoint一個地方~不需要appoint with的~


I deal the job smoothly and got a good reward through the negotiation.
...got the job...

deal with 解處理 / 交易~
不過你似是得到這份工作多於處理這份工作~


I am looking forward to find a new job at soon at possible.

...looking forward to finding...
looking forward to是Phrasal Verb~
後面跟名詞~所以如果跟動詞就要加ing令佢變名詞~
(e.g. read => reading)



留意名d grammar的用法~
記多d不同句子的結構~~
咁你的英文都會準確d + 多樣化d~~
(不妨多練寫長句子~)



Hope this helps~~ =]

2009-03-18 02:50:32 補充：
留意名d grammar的用法~
*多d

my name is raymond li
我有一個 賺錢 website請 click 入去看www.sai8000.ws

I had been out of work for almost four months. Actually, I had got several chances of job interview, but nobody wanted to hire me. It makes me worry that my money in the bank account will be decreasing. Fortunately, the situation had change eventually. My team leader of my previous company gave me a call, and asked me to do a freelance job about 3D drawing. Although I do not know the details about the freelance job, I was still glad to accept it immediately. And I went to the places where the clients appointed with. I deal with the job smoothly and got a good reward through the negotiations. Finally, I only used four days to finish the project. I hope this is a good start for me. I am looking forward to find a new job as soon as possible.