英文一篇, 請幫忙改, 謝謝~

樓主的翻譯傾向是硬邦邦的直譯。如果我只讀英文版的譯文，會讀得明白，但感覺不親切，有點生硬，句子連貫一般；另外，用詞不夠具體（例如：commonization ），顯得抽象。注意句子間歇的文法錯誤（例如subject-verb agreement），此乃翻譯大忌。

翻譯是譯其意，譯其神，否則便會變成被原文主宰，失去翻譯的意義。以下是我的一點意見，用詞盡量淺白。歡迎大家繼續討論！

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With easier availability of higher education in Hong Kong, millions of university graduates, freshly produced every year, are entering the fiercer and fiercer labor market. In the recent years, supply of university graduates has started to exceed society demand.

The economic crisis has soared the unemployment risk of workers without a satisfactory education background. The workers, in the hope of reducing such a risk, have to work hard to seek further education opportunities from tertiary institutions. This, however, can hardly provide a gap for them to rest. They still have to face acute pressure of working extremely long hours, and even being trimmed. The threat has caused them less easily to concentrate themselves at work. In all, the economic crisis has revealed the dark age for the workers.

2009-01-30 17:55:03 補充：
raynghk: 多謝你的意見.大家有討論的空間是好事,為甚麼我要介意呢?回正題,你的調整也不錯.我用''soar''會比"raise''再強烈一點.我認為這一批學歷不高的人,即使金融海嘯沒有降臨,他們也要面對經濟轉型的壓力;而金融海嘯的存在,會令他們的壓力大增,所以我選擇用''soar''.而其他部份,我個人意見你寫得很好.

I hope she won't mind. ( won't)

I hope she doesn't mind. ( doesn't)

I hope she don't mind. ( Mistake!)

I think 002 chrystielam has done a great job. Her comments are fair and her advice is very appropriate.

I have a suggestion on one of her sentences and I hope she does not mind.

Instead of "The economic crisis has soared the unemployment risk of workers without a satisfactory education background.", I would say " The economic crisis has raised the risk of unemployment for workers without higher education qualifications."

2009-01-30 16:36:59 補充：
It should be "I hope she do not mind"
Sorry!

2009-01-31 11:12:57 補充：
Chrystielam: You are such a nice open minded lady.
I prefer to use the word "raised" because the economic crisis "has caused the unemployment risk to go up". When we say "the economic crisis has soared...", it sounds like the economic crisis itself has moved up.

2009-01-31 11:31:17 補充：
樓主: I would like to point out that the first sentence of your English version is wrong. It is not a complete sentence.

2009-01-31 22:20:59 補充：
I dont know why I have made such a silly mistake.
"I hope she does not mind" is correct.
Sorry for the confusion.

2009-01-31 22:21:56 補充：
Yes, you are right.
Thank you.

With the commonization of higher education in Hong Kong and millions of University graduates step into society. The competition of labour market has therefore become more intense.

During this Economic tsunami, for those people who haven't recieved Higher Education are seeking some courses offered by the Universities to study in order to maintain their competitiveness. However, since they have pressure of being laid off, it drove them to work overtime without extra paid and grumble. Due to stress, they simply cannot concentrate on their study.