唔該幫我睇下D grammar，聽日就要present!!!

1)This book is talking about a girl call Sara Foxley.
suggestion:
This book is talking about a girl who is called Sara Foxley.
or This book is talking about a girl, Sara Foxley, loves running.
feedback:
'call' could not be active voice here but passive voice could because the name of the girl is called by someone.
We add comma for that statement ' , ' supplementation ' , ' statement .

2)And her coach,Bill told her she can be a great runner and win the National Championships.
suggestion:
And her coach,Bill told her (that) she could be a great runner and win the National Championships.
feedback:
'can' should be past tense because it was happened in the past.
3)At last, Sara won the Championships and stilled keep Eddie.
suggestion:
At last, Sara won the Championships and still kept Eddie.
feedback:
'still' can V. , adv., adj., conj. and N.
Here if you mean 仍舊 , you should use ' still' which is adv.

4)They were close-fought on the competition.
suggestion:
They were close-fought in the competition.
feedback:
Prepositions typically refer to some spacial relationship.
'in' implies that there are boundaries - the car is in the garage, the desk is in the classroom.
'On' is used when there are no boundaries (surface).

5)And Sara become a champion in the end.
suggestion:
And Sara became a champion in the end.
feedback:
The thing was happened in the past.

2009-01-21 20:10:10 補充：
6)I like this part because I think it is the touching part that Sara was tried her best to win this competition and Eddie understand why Sara likes running.
suggestion:

2009-01-21 20:10:20 補充：
I like this part because I think it is the most touching part (in the story) that Sara tried her best to win this competition and Eddie understood why Sara likes running.
feedback:
[ Most + ' adj. ' ] is used for showing the comparison among something.

2009-01-21 20:10:28 補充：
7)Besides, I learn a lot from Sara.That is patient.
suggestion:
Besides, I have learned(or learnt) a lesson from Sara. That's patient.
feedback:
Have learned = you have gotten something up to now after reading that story .

2009-01-21 20:10:39 補充：
8)Therefore,this is my favourite part .
suggestion:
Therefore,this is my favourite part of the story.
feedback:
I added ' of the story ' because I want to make it clear and the listener know what's going to happen. ^ ^

2009-01-21 20:10:41 補充：
finally, I suppose you should add some words to end the presentation in order to making the presentation complete.
for instance,
# That's the end of the/my presentation.
Thank you for your attention.

2009-01-21 20:40:57 補充：
correction

suggestion:
This book is about a girl who is called Sara Foxley.
or This book is about a girl, Sara Foxley, loves running.

This book is about / This book talks about

girl called Sarah Foxley (must be "called")

Her coach (no need 'and')

told her THAT she could be (commonly used in this way, story use 'could')

But Sara's boyfriend didn't want her to run. (Refer to person in beginning of sentence, not in middle)

Still kept Eddie (wrong tense) (who is Eddie? Refer to who is Eddie in sentence before)

I liked (past tense, you already read the book already)

On the track (wrong preposition)

But Sara becomes the champion (fight - ending)


I like this part because I think it is the touching part that Sara was tried her best to win this competition and Eddie understand why Sara likes running. (wrong)

I like this part of the story because it is the touching part where Sara tries her best to win the championships, and through this whole thing, Eddie understands why Sara likes running.
(competition or championship? tenses wrong)

I learnt (you have already learnt it)

Sara, which is patience. (wrong form of word, no need to start new sentence)

Have patience (wrong form of word)

Add this to the end of the speech: This is the end of my presentation. Thank you.

Say good morning or good afternoon Ms/Mr ____ before the whole thing to be polite.

Introduce the book: The title? The author?



Hope this will help...

D grammar ok la!
but (This book is talking about a girl call Sara Foxley) no good!!!


英文D grammar ok!!!!

大致上都好好，
不過有以下o既修改會更好。

1. This book is about a girl called Sara Foxley.
This book is talking about呢個用法有d偏向港式。
另外，我地會講..a girl called Sara.

2. Still在呢個情況下作為一個adverb，而keep應該用kept或者has kept.

3. 我地用on the track而唔係in the track.

4. touching part之前o既article用a，如果用the，就要加most架喇。而且成句可以改寫成 It is a touching part in which Sara tried.....或者It is the most touching part, in which Sara tried...

5. Sara tried her best...
呢度唔洗加was，因為tried已經係動詞喇，有was會變左被動式(Passive Voice)。

6. I have learnt a lot from Sara.
用present perfect tense就表達到你真正想講o既意思，因為你係想講「學習了」，而唔係淨係「學」呢個動作，加上學習完對e家有影響，所以用present perfect tense好d。

7. That is patience.
Patience係noun，而patient係adjective，小心呀。所以之後果句，都應該改為We should have patience或者We should be patient.

加油!

整體上都ok既...
不過 我地吾會用This book is talking about (something)
會直接 This book is about...

係最尾加埋
This the end of my presentation, thank you for for your attention