英文高手!!!想麻煩大家可唔可以幫我改下英文作文?(letter to editor)

2008-11-11 5:48 am
題目:There have been a lot of stories and photographs of celerities acting inappropriately in the newspaper recently. Write a letter to the editor saying why it is important for celebrities to be good role models.
(我的gramma不太好 常常不知道自己錯什麼 煩請各高手指導!!)


Dear Editor,
Re: The importance of celebrities to be good role models

In responding to the frequent news of celebrities acting inappropriately, I am writing to share my thought on the importance for celebrities to be good role models. There are three main reasons to support this idea.

Nowadays, celebrities have a major influence on our society. They can easily affect the way people think and behave ,for better or worse. Take the “skinny fever” as an example.Most celebrities are keeping themselves really skinny due to their career needs. However,this is contributing to the upsurge in being very thin among many people.The celebrities in the tabloids affect the self image of many young girls and women.
More and more people think that being very thin is beautiful and fashionable, and thus tries to lose pounds through extreme diets. However, more and more people are suffered from the eating disorders due to the extreme diets.It indicates that the influences of celebrities is powerful.

Moreover, celebrities are extremely influential among youngsters. In many youngsters’ mind, celebrities mean cool, fashion and success. When these celebrities change the way they behave, youngsters always follow suit. In most cases, specially among younger teenagers, they always follow these celebrities’ behavior blindly without judging. If these celebrities behave inappropriately, just like extreme dieting
,smoking or dealing drugs, the young followers would be greatly affected and may be suffered from the inappropriate act.
更新1:

Finally, celebrities are representing the place they are come from.(怪怪的) Foreigners always understand a place by knowing the celebrities from that place,and therefore it is a responsibility of the celebrities to be a good role model and give a good impression to them.

更新2:

To conclude, celebrities are highly influential and they can easily change the way people think and behave.That’s why it is important for celebrities to be good role models. Yours faithfully Pat Lee

更新3:

另外想問一個gramma問題 比如話it is a responsibility of the celebrities to be a good role model and give a good impression to them 個give前面有無需要加to呢?(因為前面to be) 同埋可唔可以解釋下先生成日講....and....前後要一樣tenses ge 意思? 2.我想問下好似looking forward to後加gerund 有無其他例子係to後加gerund? 同埋係咪無特別規律純粹gramma上咁用?

更新4:

3.其實formal letter點算寫得好?成日自己寫formal letter都寫唔出新意 而且點樣算係結構鬆散?! 4.先生成日話寫呢d一定要有topic sent,其實點先為之好ge topic sent? 真不好意思 我有很多問題

更新5:

line17係 behave, youngsters always follow suit. In most cases, especially among younger teenagers,

回答 (3)

2008-11-11 8:28 pm
✔ 最佳答案
1st row-------->In response to..............

2nd paragraph----------->"More and more people think that being very thin is beautiful and fashionable, and thus they try to lose pounds through extreme diets, which causes them to suffer from eating disorders.(Note: Some teachers consider this as a run-on, but I personally don't think that it's a problem.)


3rd paragraph----------->"When these celebrities change the way they behave, youngsters always follow suit."<-----------what do u mean by follow suit?? and this paragraph is basically an elaboration of the 1st paragraph, so I dun think this will count as the 2nd point out of your three main points.

4th paragraph----------->Finally, the images of celebrities more or less reflect the culture of a society. To foreigners, how these celebrities behave has an impact on their views about the society. For example, the notorious Edison’s tape scandal made a lot of foreigners think that young people in Hong Kong are promiscuous. That more or less left a negative impression in foreigners’ mind. Therefore, inevitably, celebrities have certain social responsibilities that they must fulfill.

應該唔需要加 to

and....前後要一樣tense: (e.g. I watched "Cyborg She" yesterday, and I cried like a baby at the end of the movie.)<-----------past tense

2.)唔清楚, but I usually say it like this " I look forward to hearing from you soon"

2008-11-12 15:37:55 補充:
It's just a standard practice. In most of the letters that I read, they go like this:

"In response to ......'s inquiry about ...., the Department of ........ had decided to take the following actions:.........."

If you want to know why, I suggest you ask your teachers.
參考: I cant answer the other questions, hopefully someone else can
2008-11-11 7:11 pm
You have made many grammatical mistakes.
結構鬆散 and not logical are also obvious problems that you have to look into. Why one thing leads to another? There must be reasons and logic behind it.

Celebrities are people with fame and honour. It seems that u are only talking about young female movie stars or singers.

If you have problems in understand what your teachers say, you should ask them. They are paid to help u and answer your questions.
2008-11-11 8:04 am
2.我想問下好似looking forward to後加gerund 有無其他例子係to後加gerund?
to 後面唔會加任何PART OF SPEECH架...

個give前面有無需要加to呢?
GIVE前唔洗TO因為前面已經有TO, 你句句子係 ' TO XXXX AND XXXX' 所以唔洗TO...

第3,4題問名SIR好D....我唔記得...


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