sentence structure help?

Refine.J

2008-11-05 2:46 am

i need help making my paragraph sound more advance

In "bad luck: why americans exaggerate the terrorist threat" jeffrey rosen states that people often fear crimes because they are uncontrollable. People fear the unfamiliar, randomness, and navoiable events. Also he indicates the media as a cause that contributes to people's fear. The media have teh tendency to exaggerate crimes that people are less likely to be victims of. It influences viewers to overestimate their chances of being a victim. Similarly, people in my age group also have fear, specifically fearing in death and rejection.

also help me think of reason for the following and making the sentence sound better.

Necrophobia is a component fo the top 10 fear among people in my age group. There are a cariety of reasons to why people fear. The first reason to why people fear death is due to seperation. ( HOW?)

The second reson for why people fear death is due to punishing fo the sins. (HOW?)

The last reason for why people fear death is because of change. (HOW?)

Death is similar to the article "bad luck; why americans exaggerate the terroist threat." it is unfamilar tous, strikes at random and can't be eaisly avoided.

回答 (1)

[匿名]

2008-11-05 4:54 am

✔ 最佳答案

I like your first sentence. I don't know what "navoiable" is, but I would change that list to "the unfamiliar, the random and [whatever that word is]."
I would change the next sentence to: "He also indicates that the media contribute to peoples' fear." Media is always plural, so make sure your verb agrees with it.
I don't understand what you're trying to say in the next sentence (beginning with "The media have") but be aware you spelled 'the' as 'teh.' Simple typo.
In the next sentence, I assume "it" is the media again, and the media are plural people (singular is medium). "The media influence viewers to overestimate their chances of being victimized."
"Similarly, people in my age group also have fears, specifically death and rejection."
In any kind of thesis or report, it's generally looked down upon to refer to yourself in the first person (saying "I" or "me"), so try to rephrase that last sentence and avoid yourself.
Hope this helps some.

👍 0 👎 0