(10分)幫手睇下有冇mistakes(文章下半部)

我假設你下半部係指由all in all開始

首先寫英文一定要邏輯, 你grammar再啱都好, 但句子唔通, 文章失去意思
1.but also一般係用o係not only之後
例:Drug addicts lose not only money and health, but also their family and the society on drugs.
如果你係想話嗜毒者唔應該犠牲佢地比毒品, 而應該係佢地家人同社會, 咁你可以話
Drug addicts should not sacrifice to drugs, but their family and the society.
2.Teenagers, all of you 只係可用o係對話上, 文章上唔應該有第一身或第二身。可以改為Teenagers will all be the leaders of Hong Kong in the future.
3.由於年青人唔係個個一定乖, 你應該話一個和睦既城係要由你地既努力去建成。Well-behaved teenagers is the main prospective factor of a harmonious city.
4.就咁用remember真係完全口語, 而say no to drugs後, 你用comma, 一句句子兩個動詞, 冇連接詞, grammar唔啱. bring you a life唔夠邏輯, 因為所有人已經有生命, 只係好與壞.
It is important to remember "Want a healthy life? Say no to drugs.".
5.留意我改左果句, 如果句子係完左, 你o係引號尾既前後都要有foot stop.


唔明或前段都要改, 隨時email我

*The last but not least , drug abuse even hamper the society . **Some of the drugs are exorbitant prices to the abusers . ***Most drug addicts will resort to crime , thereby tarnishing the peace of society . ****On the other hand , the government have to provide a lot of facilities to solve the problem , from establishing centers of drug treatment to erect rehabilitation programs . Those facilities need to cost a huge sums in monetary terms , not to mention costs of maintaining drug treatment . The expense of government will be heavier .

All in all , drug addicts do not sacrifice themselves to drugs , but also their family and the society . Teenagers , all of you will be the leader of Hong Kong in the future . A harmonious city will be developed by you-all . Remember ‘Say no to drugs , bring you a life.’It is not worth to hazard to take drugs !

*Last but not least, drug abuse even hampers the society.
- I do not think it needs 'the' before 'last but not least'
- 'hampers'

**Some of the drugs are of exorbitant prices to the abusers.

***Most drug addicts will then resort to crime, thereby tranishing the peace of the society.
- I think you should relate this sentence with the previous one to tighten up the linkage.

****On the other hand, the government has to provide a lot of facilities to solve the problems, such as establishing centers of drug treatment and erecting rehabilitation programs.
- 'problems'
- 'establishing' and so 'erect' should also be in the same form, i.e. 'erecting'

*****Those facilities cost a huge sum in monetary terms, not to mention the expanditure in continuous drug treatment.

Full of problems. I don't know what planet the people are from when they say the passage is ok.

First sentense, hamper missing the 's'. Where does the 'even' come from.

Second sentense. Flowery words saying nothing. You want to say, "The prices of some drugs are exorbitant to the abusers". What you were saying is "Some drug" is equal to " High price" which is not exactly what you meant to say. It does not even make sense.

Third sentence. You are stating a fact, why the future tense?

Fourth sentense, "On the other hand" means you were saying something parallel before, but it is not the case here. You are talking about the resources in this sentence, but you have not say anything in similar context in the statement before. 'Erect' means physcially building, but there is nothing physical about a program.

Fifth sentense, why the redundant words, "need to cost ... terms"? Why not just say, "cost lots of money"? The words are unnecessary and cumbersome.

Sixth sentense. Expense of government means the cost of having a government. What you mean is 'burden to the government', not 'expense of government'.

Seventh sentesne. You sentense looks an imperative sentense, but it is not. You are trying to create a parallel structure, but messing up the structure. You mean to sya "drug addicts sacrifice not only themselves to drugs, but also..".

Eight sentense, 'leaders' not 'leader'.

Nineth sentense. 'You-all'!! Are you from Southern US. Ditch the 'all'.

Eleventh sentense. 'Harzard' is a noun.

- but also their (family->families) and the society.
- Teenagers , all of you will be the (leader->leaders) of Hong Kong in the future.

also, i've some suggestions on the first paragraph:
- Those facilities (need to cost->cost) a huge sums in monetary terms
explanation: in my opinion, the word 'need' is a little bit strange and quite clumsy in this sentence.

On the other hand, i think your ability on sentence structures is good. =)

looks good and smooth, don't think you need correction. Just noticed that you rput space before symbols, space should be put after symbols. For example- 'Say no to drugs, bring you a life.' It is not worth to hazard to take drugs!