文章如下:
Once upon a time there is a poor little girl called Lizy.She born in a very rich
family,but her mother isn't like her,all the things she have to do it herself,and her mother always bit her if she do the wrong things.Her mother also like to compare with the other good student.
lizy never be happy,One day she had left a homework at home,didn't
hand in to the teacher,so she got a punishment and hit by her evil mother.
Lizy was cried and asked the god,why she have to live in this world .
Suddenly a fairy is apperament,and the fairys said "don,t be said about these
thing ,If you be more staunch,you will be succese in the futher."Lizy remember what the fairy said and he never be afraid about anything,when she grew up she became a excellent psychologist.
(英文)幫我睇下我的writing&比點意見_有咩可以修改”thx
2008-10-15 4:43 am
回答 (5)
2008-10-19 5:15 am
✔ 最佳答案
Once upon a time, there (was) a poor little girl called Lizy.She (was) born in a very (wealthy)family(.)(But,) her mother (didn't) like her(.)(No matter what) she (did, she had ) to do it herself(.)(Besides,) her mother always (beat) her (whenever) she (did) (things wrongly).Her mother also (liked) to compare (her)with the other good student..
lizy (was) (sad)(.)One day(,) she (has) left (some) homework at home(.) (She) didn't
hand (it) in to the teacher(.)(So) she got (punished) and (beaten up) by her evil mother.
Lizy cried and asked god why she (had) to live .
Suddenly(,) a fairy (appeared), and said "don,t be (sad) (over) these
(things)(.) If you (can) be (tougher) ,you will be (successful) (one day)."Lizy (memorized) what the fairy said and (she) (was then) never (frightened) about things(.) (And) she grew up (to be) (an) excellent psychologist.
A few grammatical mistakes.
Sounded like Chinglish.
Keep on practising.
+oil :P
2008-10-18 21:16:47 補充：
Once upon a time,
cross out the comma(,)
2008-10-18 21:17:17 補充：
But,
cross out the comma
2008-10-18 21:18:05 補充：
her mother always (beat) her
followed by "up"
that is : her mother always beat her up
2008-10-19 18:54:47 補充：
BEST ANS BEST ANS :D
參考: myself ; Yahoo! Dictionary
2008-10-15 12:48 pm
Hi,
Once upon a time ,there was a poor little girl called Lizy who was born in a very rich
family,but her mother did not like her . She often had to do all things by herself. Her mother always beat her when she did something wrong and She also liked to compare Lizy with other good students.
lizy was never happy about her life.One day, she left her homework at home,so she could not
hand it in to her teacher.She was punished and hit by her evil mother because of that .
Lizy cried non-stop and asked god why she had to live in this unfair and cruel world .
Suddenly a fairy appeared and said to her, "Don't be sad about all these
things !If you learn to live with hopes and be staunch ,you will be successful in the future.".Lizy took her advice and always remembered what the fairy said to her .now she was not afraid of anything any more.when she grew up ,she really became an excellent psychologist.
Note:
1.
Please be careful with the tenses you are going to use.
( you may just use past tense )
2. She was born in a rich family.( "born" is an adjective, not a word.)
3.She also liked to compare Lizy with other good students.( to compare something or someone with something or someone)
4. You wrote "lizy never be happy"<-------- No such tense in English!
"happy" is an adjective, so you have to use " was" here.
Examples:
I am ( helping verb) never happy( adjective). <-----Present tense.
I was( helping verb) never happy( adjective).<-------- Past tense.
Since Yahoo doesn't let me type too much here in this window, I have to stop here, but please compare my corrected article with yours and learn.
Good luck!
2008-10-15 21:33:19 補充：
Once upon a time( no comma here).
Once upon a time ,there was a poor little girl called Lizy who was born in a very rich
family,but her mother did not like her . She often had to do all things by herself. Her mother always beat her when she did something wrong and She also liked to compare Lizy with other good students.
lizy was never happy about her life.One day, she left her homework at home,so she could not
hand it in to her teacher.She was punished and hit by her evil mother because of that .
Lizy cried non-stop and asked god why she had to live in this unfair and cruel world .
Suddenly a fairy appeared and said to her, "Don't be sad about all these
things !If you learn to live with hopes and be staunch ,you will be successful in the future.".Lizy took her advice and always remembered what the fairy said to her .now she was not afraid of anything any more.when she grew up ,she really became an excellent psychologist.
Note:
1.
Please be careful with the tenses you are going to use.
( you may just use past tense )
2. She was born in a rich family.( "born" is an adjective, not a word.)
3.She also liked to compare Lizy with other good students.( to compare something or someone with something or someone)
4. You wrote "lizy never be happy"<-------- No such tense in English!
"happy" is an adjective, so you have to use " was" here.
Examples:
I am ( helping verb) never happy( adjective). <-----Present tense.
I was( helping verb) never happy( adjective).<-------- Past tense.
Since Yahoo doesn't let me type too much here in this window, I have to stop here, but please compare my corrected article with yours and learn.
Good luck!
2008-10-15 21:33:19 補充：
Once upon a time( no comma here).
2008-10-15 7:12 am
Once upon a time there is a poor little girl called Lizy. She born in a very rich
family, but her mother doesn't like her, she has to do all the things by herself and her mother always bit her if she did the wrong things. Her mother also liked to compare her with the other good students.
Lizy was never happy. One day she had left homework at home and didn't
hand in to the teacher, so she got punished and was beaten by her evil mother.
Lizy cried and asked the god, "Why do I have to live in this world ?"
Suddenly a fairy appeared and the fairy said, "Don,t be sad about these
things. If you become more staunch, then you will be successful in the future." Lizy remembered what the fairy said and she was never afraid about anything again and when she grew up, she became an excellent psychologist.
family, but her mother doesn't like her, she has to do all the things by herself and her mother always bit her if she did the wrong things. Her mother also liked to compare her with the other good students.
Lizy was never happy. One day she had left homework at home and didn't
hand in to the teacher, so she got punished and was beaten by her evil mother.
Lizy cried and asked the god, "Why do I have to live in this world ?"
Suddenly a fairy appeared and the fairy said, "Don,t be sad about these
things. If you become more staunch, then you will be successful in the future." Lizy remembered what the fairy said and she was never afraid about anything again and when she grew up, she became an excellent psychologist.
參考: ^.^ Enjoy
2008-10-15 4:50 am
(英文)幫我睇下我的writing&比點意見_有咩可以修改”thx
She born in a very rich
family.
change+
She borns in a very rich
family.
i think.........
If you be more staunch,you will be succese in the futher.
change+++
If you be more staunch,you will be success in the future.
2008-10-14 20:51:09 補充：
Suddenly a fairy is apperament
change+++++
Suddenly a fairy is appear.
She born in a very rich
family.
change+
She borns in a very rich
family.
i think.........
If you be more staunch,you will be succese in the futher.
change+++
If you be more staunch,you will be success in the future.
2008-10-14 20:51:09 補充：
Suddenly a fairy is apperament
change+++++
Suddenly a fairy is appear.
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