How to keep a distance from a very whiny, needy and attention & sympathy addicted housemate?

Yeah, you're right, you're not her therapist, and you shouldn't be either. You're not responsible for her happiness, or the lack of it. Some people just need some straight-forward honesty in their life. Next time she complains about being sick, tell her to go to the doctor and get it checked out. When she whines, ask her what you're supposed to do about her situation. Keep putting it back into her lap, making her deal with her own problems. If she asks you where you're going, tell her "Out". If she still wants to know where, tell her she's not your mom and you don't have to check in with anyone. That might sound kinda short or mean, but it really isn't. It's showing her that you have a life, and are demanding your space to live it your own way. Since you live with this person, it would be very difficult to avoid seeing her every day, so you'll either have to 1) Ignore her, 2) Be honest with her, or 3) Move out. I know a few people like you describe, and I avoid them as much as I can. When I can't, I'll listen for a couple of minutes, then tell them I've got to get going. And you're probably right about her needing a therapist. She needs a professional to point out her negative attitudes, and to point her to some alternatives. My daughter has a flatmate like you have too, and she pretty much handles her the same way that I suggested. Who knows? If you tell her the truth about your feelings, it might make her take a hard look at what she's doing and change. In the meantime, start by asserting your rights to your own privacy. When she whines and cries, tell her you're getting tired of her whining and she needs to get a grip and re-focus her life on more positive stuff. If she continues to do this, after you've warned her, just get up and walk out. I'm sure you've got a door on your bedroom. If you can't do that, go for a walk, ignoring her when she asks where you're going. After a while, even the dumbest person will get the message. As far as hurt feelings, she doesn't seemed to be too concerned about your feelings. She's too wrapped up in hers to even consider that she's sucking all the oxygen out of the air around you. Just be firm, and keep repeating your needs to her. Eventually, she'll begin to hear you. <*)))><

Unfortunately, because of your living situation, you have a tough call here. I would first suggest, that, if possible, you try and tell her how you feel. I do understand how difficult that can be. She would probally turn it into something about her.

If you cant get anywhere write her a letter. Letters are a nice way to tell someone how you feel about a situation. You can have your say, without being interrupted or having it back fire during a normal conversation.Be gentle, of course, using alot of "I" statements. Maybe say that you understand that she is sick but you cant deal with all the stresses that come along when she complains to you; on top of everything else you have to deal with. Having good communication is a good foundation to build on a relationship. Any relationship. Maybe work out a once a week thing to spend some time together.

If none of that helps, then I suggest that it may be time to find another roommate. Whether you move out or her. You deserve a positive life style with positivity around you. Its hard to have negativity around you 24/7. After a while, you start to become negative. That is not healthy.

Last note here, I think that you need to be clear with her about finding someone else that she can talk to. You just dont have the resources to help her with what she needs. Maybe do some research in your area, finding appropriate counsellors and therapists that can help.

I hope that I have helped. :)

Good Luck!

I had one like that. The best way I found to deal with it was to change the subject whenever she started whining. Talk about something she can't complain about - television, news, whatever, just to keep things lighter. You could offer genuine solutions to her problems and see how she reacts - suggest she go into counselling or something if she seems depressed (gently of course).

In the end, I had to move out from my place because I found that I could only take the girl in small doese and that my sanity was worth more than keeping my flat, but maybe it will work out better for you.

Good luck!

Tell her in a nice way that she needs to seek counseling and some form of therapy. Tell her you have your own problems and life to live and you're not a therapist. Give her three months, then find another housemate if she doesn't change or you move.

That's hard.
You gotta keep a distant from her gradually.. but this will hurt her feelings no matter what, coz she is so sensitive at this stage.
In a way being distant from her is good for both of you. Everyone needs their own space, and this is normal.
When you start to be less caring for her, she will get that you don't like it and stop being too needy.

Once there was this woman in our building that would come over every single day crying and moaning about her terrible life. Mind you I am a good shoulder to cry on, I rarely have any problems and yet it got annoying after a while.
So after a bit, the doorbell would ring and I stopped answering. When she would see me in the biulding she would come up to me in a panic with tearful eyes and start. So I did a few things. First I would say '' i understand, thats unfortunate etc'' and then I would say ''Your a strong lady, you will get through it''. One day I started telling her about friend who were in really bad situations, even made some stuff up but she stil did the same thing. So I just came right out and told her that I truly and sincerly understand she is not well but I would like to see her smiile sometimes and tell me something GOOD for a change. She got the message I guess that she was annoying me and backed down..whew.
You could also tell your housemate that you cannot bare to see her so upset all the time and maybe se can find a therapist or something to guide her to feel better You can only be a sympathetic ear for so long...

Just say next time she whines that hey instead of worrying just get on with life if she still whinges just say look i like you but i'm more of a positive person i don't want to hurt your feelings but i hope you don't mind but i feel that we are too different and maybe she needs to talk to someone else who will understand her better.

Tell her straight up.
that's what I did.
It may change a little between you 2
but wouldn't that be what you wanted? :P

tell her you have to move somewhere else.
just give out a reason like business or job opportunity/ a friend of yours is asking you to be her roommate.

move out. life is too short for that.