五年級 ~ 可幫忙呢篇英文文章的文法嗎?

*The Mid Autumn Festival was on the fourteen of September . **On that day, the moon is very big.

***On that day, I went to my cousin home with my parent. ****After a while, my relative arried. then,we started to eat the supper together.

*****We ate a lot of food, we have some fish, chicken, beef and a lot of vegetables. They are so yummy!

******After ate the dinner, we go to the park. We ate some moon cake and a lot of fruits. Then, I played with my cousin. *******Until one o'clock, we came home.

*********I think the Mid Autumn Festival is funny, because we can eat the moon cake and play with my cousin, so I feel happy on that day.

*The Mid-Autumn Festival was on the fourteenth of September.

**On that day, the moon was very round.
- Past tense should be used
- "round" is a better adj. than "big"

***I went to my cousin's home with my parents.
- "on that day" is redundant
- "parents" should be spelt with a "s"

**** After a while, all my relatives arrived, we started to eat reunion dinner together then.
- I think "arrived" is what you want to write
- "relatives" should be spelt with a "s", no matter singular or plural

*****We got a lot of dishes, including fish, poultry, and a lot of vegetables. They are so delicious!
- "poultry" can replace both "chicken" and "beef"
- "yummy" is too colloquial

******After eating dinner, we went to the park. We ate some mooncakes and fruits.
- After a prep., gerund should be used. i.e. "after eating dinner"
- Past tense should be used
- I think "mooncakes" is a word and you should use the plural form

*******At one o'clock, we went home.
- "until" is an improper use of prep.
- "went" should be used instead

********I think Mid-Autumn Festivals is interesting, because we can eat mooncakes and play around with relatives.
- You are referring to every Mid-Autumn Festivals, so a "s" should be added with NO articles in front

The Mid Autumn Festival was(is) on the fourteen(forteenth) of September . On that day, the moon is very big.

On that day, I went to my cousin(cousin's) home with my parent(parents). After a while, my relative(relatives) arried. then,we started to eat the supper together.

We ate a lot of food, we have some fish, chicken, beef and a lot of vegetables. They are(were) so yummy!

After ate(we was eating) the dinner, we go(went) to the park. We ate some moon cake and a lot of fruits. Then, I played with my cousin. Until one o'clock, we came home.(We came home until one o'clock. )

I think the Mid Autumn Festival is funny, because we can eat the moon cake(cakes) and play with my cousin, so I feel happy on that day.

The Mid Autumn Festival this year was on the fourteenth of September. On that day, the moon was very big.

On the festival day I went to my cousin’s home with my parents. After a while, my relatives arrived. Then (no”,”)we started to eat the supper together.

We ate a lot of food. We had some fish, chicken, beef and a lot of vegetables. They were so yummy!

After having (after the word “after”, we need to use gerund, that is = verb=ing = eat=ing = eating, but we should use “having” instead of “eating” here) (no the) dinner, we went to the park. We ate some moon cakes and a lot of fruits. Then, I played with my cousin. About one o'clock, we went home.

I think the Mid Autumn Festival is interesting because we can eat the moon cake and play with my cousin, so I felt very happy on that day.

2008-09-24 21:31:43 補充：
The last paragraph, please change to :

I think this Mid Autumn Festival was interesting........

The Mid Autumn Festival was(is) on the fourteen(forteenth) of September . On that day, the moon is very big.

On that day, I went to my cousin(cousin's) home with my parent(parents). After a while, my relative(relatives) arried. then,we started to eat the supper together.

We ate a lot of food, we have some fish, chicken, beef and a lot of vegetables. They are(were) so yummy!

After ate(we was eating) the dinner, we go(went) to the park. We ate some moon cake and a lot of fruits. Then, I played with my cousin. Until one o'clock, we came home.(We came home until one o'clock. )

I think the Mid Autumn Festival is funny, because we can eat the moon cake(cakes) and play with my cousin, so I feel happy on that day.