修改英文作文(小學程度)

I write this letter

Why don't you say at the beginning that you want to share your experience with May about your first trip.

have sent me away for a month to a summer school in America - if you used have sent me away, it led the readers that you're not happy with this arrangement; why don't you use 'I have been away ...'

I really want to share my experience and feeling about the trip.

When I arrived America

I felt disappointed for me - why you landed US and felt disappointed. Must be somthing happened and you felt disappointed, you should restructure the paragraph. Move the Eng class experience before 'you felt disappointed'. It's the logical sequence.

The school is not a living creature, never use 'have', 'had'. Always started with 'There are .....' or 'There is...'

I joined the handball team and I made friends there. I'm glad I made the right choice.

Don't use white or black to descript the skin colour, it's discrimination. But you can use the colour to descript the hair or eye colour.

I'm please to enclose our photos for you & I was still enclose that photos for you - no need to repeat, move the sentence at the end of the letter. - it's too formal, we use the phrase in business letter. You can use 'Enjoy the photos I sent.'

There were many street performance on the street - we knew that you already in US, no need to emphasie 'America's street' cause the readers already knew that.

Some of the performance was very amaxing and funny - Some can't use was, you want to use phural or single , think before you write.

There were many fast-food restuarants near my school.

Schoolmates also ate fast-food everyday. Schoolmates including you. If the answer is yes, why don't you 'My friends & I have those food everyday' - it's more friendly and shown that you enjoyed your summer school life.

Schoolmates also ate fast-food everyday, that was their eating habits.

1. outside of Hong Kong
2. had sent