更正英文錯誤&GRAMMAR-5

I agree that women are good at managing money but on the other hand, I don't agree that women are bad at managing people. They (Please try not to use the same sentence structure especially for a passage and in between there are not too many sentences as dividers.) are good at managing money because of (after “of” we need to use noun or noun clause. “they always help…..fully.” is a verb phrase, not noun phrase (noun clause). Please see how I change your verb phrase into a noun clause at the following)their need to always help the whole family to utilize the family income efficiently (if a woman uses the family’s “money” “fully” – she is not good at managing, right? Income is what you get for a period of time, like monthly salary. Money is what you have in the family which include income, money in the bank, etc.). Therefore, they can manage (when we say “support a family” we are saying that the whole family is being supported from the income of the one who “support”. However in your passage woman is actually the one who manage, not earning the income.) the family expenditure very well.

At the same time, (we do not use “On the other hand” because it may mislead the reader that you are now trying to something opposite to your first argument), women are good at managing people because they are more circumspect than men. They do everything as long as they can including interpersonal relationship. (This may not be a good argument because not all women do everything as long as they can. Men can do the same thing so this is not a specialty for women) Good interpersonal relationship can make business people to have a good opportunity for success. For example, Coco Chanel managed 4000 employees very well so she had a great success!

除咗grammar, 用字同論點有D怪怪地, 例如agree women are good on managing money 同用咗on the other hand嚟唔agree women (are) bad at managing people. 我英文都唔係一百分, 但係咁寫可能會好少少(盡量照你原文意思, 雖然論點有D怪):

Obviously women are good at managing money, you can see it from how good most wives and mothers are to manage family expenses, no matter how little family income they have. On the other hand, I don't agree that some people saying women are bad at managing people, because women are not necessarily bad at interpersonal relationship or management skill, for example, Coco Chanel managed 4,000 employees so well that whe has a great success!(其實到建立咗咁龎大嘅時裝王國之後都唔係佢自己manage, 不過知人善任亦係management skill好重要的一環.)

Remember, simple English is good English, 用D冇咁普通嘅字同拉長想講嘅嘢唔係一定好架!

2008-08-30 22:33:17 補充：
如果真係要用as.....as, 應該係as good as而非as well as, as well as 係<不但. 而且>又或者係<同....一樣>嘅意思.

2008-08-30 23:19:40 補充：
Sorry, there was typo in the above, but I think you can figure out which is wrong.

I agree that women are good at managing money but on the other hand, I don't agree that women bad at managing people. Women are good at managing money because of they always help the whole family utilize the money fully.Therefore, they can support the family very well.
On the other hand, women good at managing people because they circumspect than men. They do everything as well as possible include interpersonal relationship. Good interpersonal relationship can make businesspeople have a well opportunity. For example, Coco Chanel managed 4000 employees very well so she has a great successful!

I agree that women are good at managing money but on the other hand,I don't agree that women are bad at managing people.Women are good at managing money because they always help the whole family utilize the money fully.Therefore,they can support the family very well.
On the other hand,women are good at managing people because they are more circumspect than men.They do everything as well as possible include interpersonal relationship.Good interpersonal relationship can make business people have a well opportunity.For example,Coco Chanel managed 4000 employees very well so she have a great success!