更正英文錯誤&GRAMMAR

Based on the experience of Hanae Mori, I think that a good fashion designer must be a person of persistence (We do not use “insist” unless you make it a longer sentence like “ a person who will never give up if she believes her doing things in a right way. Since this will be too long and we can just use one word “persist” to present this idea, so we do not use “insist”.) Hanae Mori grew up in a traditional family. She often argued with her father about (after “about it should be “something”. This something can either be a noun or noun clause, while :she wanted to become a fashion designer is not a noun clause.)her ideal of becoming a fashion designer. I think that if she gave up at that time, she would not have such successful achievements. (let’s do not use “I think” anymore in this passage because we have been using it few times.) In my thinking a fashion designer must be studious. Hanae Mori knew that Coco Chanel is a successful businesswoman in the fashion area. She did not jealous of Coco . Instead, she asked Coco (we need to put the name here because we are talking about 2 woman and can be confusing of who is who) for advice about her designs. I think (no that) a successful fashion designer must be persistent and studious like Hanae Mori.

erm..there are quite a number of mistakes in this passage.
Firstly, there are some problems in this sentence,
"I think that a good fashion designer must be insist."
After be, we mostly use past tense, which means it should be insisted instead of insist.
Also, this sentence is completely wrong. We don't write sentences like this in English. This is Ching-lish, not english at all. You should edit this sentence.
Secondly,
"Hanae Mori grew on a traditional family"
It should be,"Hanae Mori grew in a traditional family."
There are other mistakes besides those that I have mentioned. I mean, you cannot ask people to point our your mistakes all the time. I suggest you to work harder on English. I do believe that practises make perfect. Work Hard!

Based on the experience example of Hanae Mori,I think that a good fashion designer must be insistpersistent(要用adjective, 不是verb). Hanae Mori grew up (phrasal verb) on in a traditional family.She often argued with her father about she the fact that wanted to become a fashion designer.(argue about 後要用noun)I think that if she gave up at that time.She would not have successful achievements.I think a fashion designer must be studious.Hanae Mori knew that Coco Chanel is a successful businesswoman.She did was not jealousy to of Coco.Instead,she asked for advice about being a designer.(同樣, aske sth about 後要用noun) I think that a good fashion designer must be persistent and studious like Hanae Mori.