唔該help我改進下呢

Friday~Big storm
Today ,
I went shopping with my good friend.
But at the morning there was a big storm.
So I called her.
But she said "We do not have free time there."
I thought so .
My mum knew that we really want to meet ourselves.
So she told me to be more carefully.
At this time I felt she loves me.
After we met together,
we were so happy,
and said " we have not met for a long time."
We were safe and felt relaxed.
In the afternoon,
we had lunch.
At lunch time,
we talked more .
It is because we really have not met for a long time.
After the lunch,
we wanted to shop.
But many shops closed.
So we just walked.
We saw the Jumpin Gym U.S.A,
then we went there and played.
Because of the storm relations,
we must went back home.
If we did not went back home,
we would be dangerous.
At the end,
we brought can't bear mood to leave.
on the way,
I saw some police and fireman were helping people.
They have dedicated.
At home,
we were very happy because we were safe.
Today,I was so happy.
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Friday~Big storm(大風暴)

Today ,
I am with my good friend go shopping. (Wrong using of the words)
(I went shopping with my good friend.)
But in the morning had big storm. (Same mistakes.)
(But there was a big storm in the morning.)
So I called her. (who was her?)
(So I called XXX(friend name))
But she said "Other day we haven't free time." (The dialogue in
incorrect)
(But she said, "I don't have any free time in the next day.")
I thought so . (^^correct)
My mum know we were very want to meet us. (There's nothing like
we were very want!!!)
(my mum knew that we wanted to meet each other)
So she told me how careful. (^^correct)
In this time I feel she is very love me. (Not time, but moment!!!)
(In this moment, I felt that Mum loved me very much.)

After we saw us, (Mistakes!)
(After we met)
we are so happy, (tense mistakes)
(we were so happy)

2008-08-23 10:32:08 補充：
and said "Has not seen for a long time." (Doesn't make sense)
(and XXX(don't write both persons talking!)said"We have not seen for
a long time.)
We saw us was safe, (Noooooo!)
(When we saw that we were safe)
relaxed (Can't just say relaxed)
(We were relaxed)

2008-08-23 10:32:46 補充：
In the afternoon, (^^correct)
we went to lunch.(^^correct)
In lunch time, (Wrong prepositions)
(At lunch time)
we were talking more . (Little missing words)
(We were talking more than usual)
It is because we are really not seen for a long time. (^^correct)

2008-08-23 10:33:37 補充：
After the lunch, (No need 'the')
(After lunch)
we were want went shopping. (What is that?)
(We want to go shopping)
But more shop were closed. (Llittle mistakes)
(But more shops were closed.)
So we were walking. (No, incorrect using of words)

2008-08-23 10:34:10 補充：
(So we continued to walk.)
We saw the [Jumpin Gym U.S.A], (^^correct)
then we went there play. (ONE more thing!!!)
(Then we went there TO play.)

It is because the storm relations, (Little mistakes)
(BECAUSE OF the storm relations)
we must went home. (Not good enough)

2008-08-23 10:35:03 補充：
(We must go home immedicately)
If we don't went home, (After 'don't', we will not put past tense)
(If we don't go home)
we will have the danger. (Not correct)
(We are in danger)

In the end, (^^correct)
we brought can ' t bear mood leave. (There's no 'can't bear mood')

2008-08-23 10:35:41 補充：
(We went home unsatisficed)
Went home in me on the way, (Not 'me')
(On the way to home)
I saw some police and fireman help people. (Pural!)
(I saw some police officers and firemen resucuing people)

2008-08-23 10:35:49 補充：
They were very have dedicated. ('were very have' (X))
(They were constrated at their work)

At home, (Not good enough)
(When we reached home)
we were very happy. (^^correct)
It is because we were safe. (^^correct)

Today is so happy (^^correct)

2008-08-23 10:42:14 補充：
unsatisficed X

unsatisfied^^

constrated X

concentrated ^^

Very poor English! You should have to improve your grammar and
expression because they are very weak. Your sentences were not co-herent
too. You write in a Chin-English style and it is the big mistake in writing
English comprehension. Please alert. Thanks

It was a stormy morning, so I called my good friend to see if she still want to go shopping. "Besides today, we won't have any free time to go." she said. I thought so, too. My mother knew how much we wanted to go so she let us go. She told us to be careful of the storm before I left. I felt the love from mother.
"Haven't seen you for a long time!" we both said. We were so happy and relaxed to see each other arrived at the shopping center safe from the storm.
We had lunch at noon time and since we haven't seen each other for a very long time, talked some more over lunch.
We wanted to go shop after lunch, but many stores were closed because of the storm. We saw [Jumpin Gym U.S.A(冒險樂園)] still open, so we went inside and played.
We might be harm by the dangerous storm, we must go home. We said goodbye to each other, although we both didn't want to go home.
I saw some policemen and firemen were helping other people. They were very dedicated to their jobs.
We were very happen because we got home safe.
It was a happy day!!