英文應該點翻譯?

Dear

Could you please fax a copy of the pay-in slip to us by fax no.XXXX-XXXX after you have deposited the money into our bank account.

Kind regards,

要求客人入數後傳真入數單去 NO.XXXXXXX.
Please forward the bank pay-in slip by fax to No. xxxxxxxx. Thank you.

Would you please fax us the bank-in slip to fax no. xxxx xxxx upon the payment is made.