急急! 英文自我介紹修正

I am grateful to be selected for this interview. (“Select” 挑選 - 比較文雅, 亦較尊重對方. 因為chosen選擇唔使用腦, select挑選要由有資格嘅人去做.)

My name is Kitty,( 永遠在寫作時不要用網上語, 例如 “m” instead of “am”, “u” instead of “you”!!) and I graduated from the Institute of Fashion and Textiles of the Polytechnic University. I studied (learn係比較informal, 由生活中學到知識. 讀書用study好d.) courses /programmes in fashion and textiles (你事實係讀時裝 / 布料, 唔係只係與時裝 / 布料相關, 所以用in代替related to) which enhanced (你讀嘅確實提昇咗你的採購知識, 唔單只係 “幫助提昇”. 用肯定d嘅語氣, 俾人印象好d.) my knowledge in the merchandising industry. For example, I acquired (got太口語化) the knowledge of color fastness through (用番正寫) the Quality Management course (漏咗); and I studied (不用have及the) Apparel (串錯字) Studies which gave me a general idea of garment sewing construction.

I joined ABC Co. upon graduation (比較mature嘅寫法, 但你果句都無錯) for almost 2 years. During which (規劃番時間) I have learnt the skills of following up development (不用加the. 中國人通病係乜都加個the字, 搞到語句唔暢順) and production orders (production orders, 唔係productions orders) to meet customers' requirements and my communication skills were vastly improved. (唔使講明between the factories and customers. 你整體溝通能力都有進步嘛! enhanced之前用過, 今次用improved. 多d變化, 無咁重覆.)

I believe a career in merchandising would be most challenging and satisfying. (咁寫俾人感覺正面d, 有信心d, 亦帶出你喜歡接受挑戰嘅訊息) Should I be fortunate (fortune係noun, fortunate 先係adj.) enough to be selected (同上) for this position, I will apply my knowledge and skills (將你嘅知識同技術運用) copiously to (apply to, 唔係apply in. 用copiously文雅d) my work.

Thank you all for listening to my speech (簡單, 直接). I look forward to becoming (又係嘞, 用hope “希望” 無咁positive. 要俾人感覺你好有信心去實現計劃! 唔係只係 “希望做到”.) a qualified merchandiser in the future.
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努力呀nicekitty! merchandising 好行業嚟!

Hi, All, (Dear all比較format少少)

Pls kindly check if my expression for the self-introduction is OK or not. thanks!

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I am grateful to be chosen for this interview.

I m Kitty , which(說自己就唔用which,Which指死物) graduated from the Institute of Fashion and Textiles of the
Polytechnic University of Hong Kong (全名是香港理工大學, 如果CU就是香港中文大學 (CUHK)). I learned (took the course. 你是參加這個課程學習, 不是學習課程而是學習知識) the courses /programmes related to fashion
and textiles which help enhancing my knowledge in the merchandising industry. For example, i got the knowledge of color fastness thru the Quality
Management; and i have studied(studied 和got the knowledge根本一句ok.兩句縮為一句都可以) the Apparal Studies which helps me to have
general ideas of garment sewing construction.


After my graduation, I have joined ABC Co. for almost 2 years (已經2年, 又用for. 要用present perfect tense). I have learnt the skills of following up the development and productions orders to meet customers' requirements and (my communication 是唔同意思, 同新一句) my communication skills between the factories and customers are enhanced.


I really (無 really 跟 would like.)would like to be an (要量詞 a, an, the)amerchandiser, (加豆號)which can certainly provide me with (唔要with)more challanges.


Thank you all for this chance to deliver my speech . I do hope that i can become a qualified merchandiser in the future


Should I be (似是informat語氣, 朋友跟朋友說)fortune enough to be chosen for this position, i will fully apply my skills in my work and get the job well done.

I am grateful to be chosen for this interview.

My name is Kitty , and I graduated from the Institute of Fashion and Textiles of the Polytechnic University. I learned the courses /programmes related to the fashion and textiles which help me to enhance my knowledge in the merchandising industry. For example, I got the knowledge of color fastness thru the Quality
Management; and I studied the Apparal Studies which helps me to have a general idea of garment sewing construction.


After my graduation, I joined ABC Co. for almost 2 years. I have learnt the skills of follow-up the development and production orders to meet customers' requirements and my communication skills between the factories and customers are enhanced.


I really would like to be a merchandiser which can certainly provide more challenges for me.


I really appreciate that I have a chance to deliver my speech . I do hope that I will become a qualified merchandiser in the future.


If I am fortune enough to be chosen for this position, I will fully apply my skills in my work and get the job well done.

This is only my opinion, I don't know if this can help you with! Anyway, good luck on your interview!
圖片參考：http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/ugc/rte/smiley_3.gif