因為要寫投訴信, 有冇人可以幫我改下 d英文?

I am writing to express my concern about your company staff sleeping on duty. When I wanted to get into your company, I needed your staff to open the door for me by pressing the turnstile button but unfortunately I found him sleeping. I asked for his help several times but he still didn’t respond. I am curious to ask if sleeping is allowed for your company staff being on duty.

(--------你的地址---------)[右置]
(-----日期-----)
for the attention of the general manager
(-----你想投訴地方個地址-----)

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to express my dissatisfaction about your company staff on (-----幾時-----).
On that day, when i wound like to come in your office, i found that your workers were sleeping. Because they were not able to press the botton to open the door, so i couldn't come in. Besides, i had already, knock the door, and i thought that they would be woke up, and of course, that was not the thing that i was suppose.
To improve your service, i have some suggestions for you to consider. You should train your workers to be more responsible. Also, you should tell them to give a good staff to everyone.
All in all, you ought to improve the service. I would be grateful if you could take some action.

Yours faithfully,
(----你個名-----).

2008-07-07 19:38:24 補充：
打錯左d野

Besides, i had alreadly knocked the door......

I am writing to express my concern about your company staff slept while they are working.
When i wanted to "enter" your company. I needed your staff "to" press the button of the turnstile "to open the door for me"."Unfortunately," "one of" your staff was sleeping. I asked for his help for few times but your staff still ignored me. I am so curious does your company allow your staff sleep when they are working?

"xxxxx"裡面果d係我改左的英文
基本上你d英文都冇咩點錯~