我作左篇文,一定有錯!可以幫我改下篇文?

Six years of elementary school life (not career) is soon to end. In these six years, my classmates and I have built up profound friendship. In the happy times, we (no can) enjoyed together. In difficult times, we (no can) shared together. Thanks to the teachers because they taught me many knowledge. Toilsome teachers, how can I show my thanks to you! But I can strive study for repaying my teacher for their toil.
Goodbye ! Dear teachers and classmates. I will engrave you in my heart forever.
Goodbye ! My school, I will treasure you in my heart because you gave me warmth and happiness, and let me have a cheerful memory. I will move forward to a new mile stone in my life !
Note :
- no space between the word and the punctuation after the word.
- One space after each punctuation
- I have changed most of your tenses to past tense because this is a passage of review for your primary school life, so most of the experiences that you mentioned have passed already.
- We talk about a school life, not school career. Career is referring to work.
- I change happy time (enjoy), difficult time (share), because it is harder for people to share the difficult time. Moreover, if you just use “solve” for difficult time, the meaning is too vague.
- You missed a lot of “the” which are important in the sentence because you are talking about “that teacher”, “that happy time”, etc., not any general terms.
- Your teachers will get very angry if they see that you always spell the word teacher wrongly !
- Try not to use too many uncommon words. I do not mean that you should only use simple words that everyone knows, but trying to use difficult or complicated words will not make your passage better if they are not used properly.

Six years of elementary school career soon to end .In this six years , my classmte and I built profound friendship .At happy time of this six year,we can
share our treasure things together .In difficulties time , we can solve together .
I also want to thanks to teachers because they teach me many knowledge.Toilsome teacther , how can I show my thanks to you. But I can strive study for repay teacther of toil . Goodbye!my deepest homage teachers and classmates.I will engrave you forever .
Goodbye ! My school ,I can treasure in my heart because you give me many happy time in this six year.I feel warm and happy too.Give me have a cheerful recollect .I will go to new mileage in my life !

我是小四學生,不過希望幫到你^^!!!!!

2008-06-19 17:26:32 補充：
你篇文章太少形容詞,看起來有點沉悶,不過沒關係,只要多看適合你的英文書

(不用太厚和太深),一星期兩、三次便可以了,相信你的作文成績一定會大有進步呢!!!!!


努力加油啊!!!!!

嘩　敏　我放落 Word 到睇
勁多錯呀！
你係咪用電腦中轉英咁轉架@@

我幫下你啦！
我知你用黎做咩架！
我希望你唔好照抄
盡量自己改改佢！

Six year primary life has no long time. I make many best friends in my primary school. We can share happy together. When I have some problem, my classmates be happy to help me.
Thanks to my teachers, they teach us a lot knowledge. My dear teachers, how can I show the thanks to you? I will study hard to thanks you.
Goodbye my dear teachers and classmates, Goodbye my school, you give me many wonderful memories. I will miss you forever!

你要作下一D心情架！例如Happy time, axious time, interesting, exciting ...........你可以喺篇文入面加　咁會高分D
你可以參考英文書　英文書好多都有得抄架！
大家都屬於小六
我相信你用呢篇會好過用D咁深GE字！！
希望你自己再改改　考好個試啦XD

Six years of primary school life will soon be ended. During these six years, I have built up profound friendship with my classmates. In happy time, we can share the happiness together whereas in difficult time, we can solve the problem together too.
Thanks for all the teachers because they have taught me a lot of knowledge. How can I show my respect to the toilsome teachers? I am going to study hard as a respect to them in return. I would like to say goodbye to all dear teachers and classmates. The six year school life will be engraved in my memory forever and ever.
Goodbye, my school, I will treasure you because you have provided me a warm and happy campus. You have also left me a cheerful recollection. I am now going to another stage in my life!
(In general , it is not bad for a P.6 student to write this essay, the content is good but with some grammatical errors. You know a lot of vocabularies but the way you use them deemed not fit. Try to write more and I am sure that you will get improvement)


2008-06-19 15:57:37 補充：
2nd paragraph : The six-year school life will be engraved in my memory forever and ever.

There is near the end of my six years elementary school journey . In the past six years ,
my classmates and me built a strong friendship . I remembered we went through those happy things together, and surmounted many obstacles.
And now we r here to thanks the teacthers because they tought us many knowledge.Toilsome teacther , I am grateful. The thing that we can do is to strive for our academic to repay the teachers effort . Dear teacthers and classmates . Goodbye to all of you!
Goodbye ! My school , I will treasure those experience in my heart because you have given me warm and happiness . Give me have a cheerful recollect . Although there is an ending point for every primary six school mates, I am confident that there is another interesting life waiting for us!

Six years of elementary school life is coming to the end. In this six years ,
classmates and I have established a profound friendship. We were always together, no matter in times of happiness, or in times of difficulties.
Thanks to all teachers because they have granted me much knowledge. I can do nothing more than striving to study hard as a way to thank and repay those diligent teachers who have dedicated most of their time to us as students. Farewell ! My dear teachers and classmates . You all will be engraved on my heart forever, regardless how long we will be apart.
Goodbye ! My school, which will treasure and cherish in my heart because you give me warmth and happiness . Thanks for giving me a valuable recollection, from which I can be encouraged and cheered, and I'm sure I will be able to open a new and bright chapter of my life!


你哩個係speech泥既? 如果係speech既話都okay既
但係如果係一篇article, 我覺得唔夠formal
anyway, 你睇下我改得啱唔啱你心水啦!

2008-06-19 15:10:50 補充：
which I will treasure and cherish

sorry漏了"I"