花少少時間幫我睇篇作文,thx
可祥細講講有d咩地方作得唔好
仲有引言應該點作...
我個引言有咩地方改善
thanks a lot!
My parents have given me a birthday present of money. I have wanted a new portable CD player and now i have money to buy it. However, my favourite musicians are giving a concert in Hong kong and the gift is enough to buy tickets. Finally, I have bought the concert tickets with friends.
My favourite musicians have published a lot of CD. This is their first time to give a concert in Hong Kong.And no one knows when will be the next time they come again. This is an unusual chance for me.
Also, the atmosphere of the live concert is extremely good. Those are from the light effect, sound effect and the communicate between audience and singers. It can not compared with watching the live concert DVD at home.
Besides, a portable CD player is not necessary for me. I can use the cell phone to listen music or computer to play CD.
A concert ticket is merited than a CD player. And for a birthday present, concert ticket is more suitable and valuable .
英文作文,,thx!
2008-06-18 2:42 am
回答 (3)
2008-06-22 8:37 am
My parents gave me money as my birthday present. I wanted a new portable CD player so much that now i have money to buy it. However, my favourite musician will hold a concert in Hong Kong. While the money is enough for me to buy a ticket. Finally, I have a decision that I bought the concert tickets with friends.
My favourite musician has published a lot of CDs. This is their first time that he/she holds a concert in Hong Kong.And no one knows when will be the next time they come back again. This is an unusual chance for me.
Also, the atmosphere of a live concert is extremely good. Those are came from the light effect, sound effect and the communicate between audience and singers. It cannot be comparing with watching the live concert DVD at home.
Besides, a portable CD player is not necessary for me. I can use the cell phone to listen music or computer to play CD instead.
A concert ticket is more merited than a CD player. And for a birthday present, concert ticket is more valuable for me.
My favourite musician has published a lot of CDs. This is their first time that he/she holds a concert in Hong Kong.And no one knows when will be the next time they come back again. This is an unusual chance for me.
Also, the atmosphere of a live concert is extremely good. Those are came from the light effect, sound effect and the communicate between audience and singers. It cannot be comparing with watching the live concert DVD at home.
Besides, a portable CD player is not necessary for me. I can use the cell phone to listen music or computer to play CD instead.
A concert ticket is more merited than a CD player. And for a birthday present, concert ticket is more valuable for me.
參考: me
2008-06-18 4:00 am
我覺得grammar有進步的空間,例如一開始"My parents have given me a birthday present of money.",你的意思係禮物是金錢!?我覺得應該咁講"My parent gave me money as my birthday present." 文章有太濫用present perfect tense,其實好多地方用simple past tense就可以.
另外文章的流程不太通暢,內容可以做得比較歸納,例如"Besides, a portable CD player is not necessary for me. I can use the cell phone to listen music or computer to play CD." 可以放係第一段用作解釋點解最後唔買CD機,加強表達你更想要演唱會門票.
另外文章的流程不太通暢,內容可以做得比較歸納,例如"Besides, a portable CD player is not necessary for me. I can use the cell phone to listen music or computer to play CD." 可以放係第一段用作解釋點解最後唔買CD機,加強表達你更想要演唱會門票.
參考: me
2008-06-18 3:35 am
我的父母給了我一個生日禮物的金錢。我想一個新的便攜式CD播放器和現在我的錢去花錢買它。不過，我最喜愛的音樂家是給演唱會在香港和禮物是足夠的購買門票。最後，我買了音樂會門票與朋友。
我最喜愛的音樂家出版了大量的CD 。這是他們第一次給音樂會在香港kong.and沒有人知道何時會成為他們下一次再來。這是一個不尋常的機會，對我來說。
此外，氣氛活音樂會是非常好的。這些都是從光的效果，聲音效果和觀眾之間的溝通和歌手。它不能相比，觀看現場演唱會的DVD在家裡。
此外，便攜式CD播放機是沒有必要對我來說。我可以用手機聽音樂或電腦播放CD 。
演唱會門票是值得比CD播放機。和一個生日禮物，演唱會門票是更合適的和有價值的
我最喜愛的音樂家出版了大量的CD 。這是他們第一次給音樂會在香港kong.and沒有人知道何時會成為他們下一次再來。這是一個不尋常的機會，對我來說。
此外，氣氛活音樂會是非常好的。這些都是從光的效果，聲音效果和觀眾之間的溝通和歌手。它不能相比，觀看現場演唱會的DVD在家裡。
此外，便攜式CD播放機是沒有必要對我來說。我可以用手機聽音樂或電腦播放CD 。
演唱會門票是值得比CD播放機。和一個生日禮物，演唱會門票是更合適的和有價值的
參考: 係禁上下- -
收錄日期: 2021-04-13 19:31:35
原文連結 [永久失效]:
https://hk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080617000051KK02171