會去邊someone scolding or cursing you(except home),i'm not sure is that real?the voices turely exsist?or just imagination?
feel anysy in public,just ordinary socialing with other or saw stranger will freak me out,even with your classmate,in most case i pretend not to show my horro on face,but what torturing in me is suffering,i have no explaination about that.i sweat,stiff,something trumbling in the cornor of my dummy.
i perfer solitude,plesed of isolation ,i feel detach with anyone i saw,i don't belong to them ,they don't belong to me,two worlds compelete,seldom few moment or person could get into the boardary of my head and ease me up.
i have constant diarrhea and gasy problem,and sometime sudden angry rise up by no reason ,and i became cynical,judgemental to people,sometime i wasn't mean it,but there were an inner pulse force me to do that,like torturing yourself deliberatively,make u feel how terible a person you are and guilt to do that,there were also an fabric truth to remind myself a lamb person i'm.
that kind of stuff suffer me a lots,making i am acompeletly diffirent person i used to be,i hate that,i hate myself,i have to reason why i have to torturing myself like this.i just want to survive and breath a free air without feeling conflicting.
can anyone help?
更新1:
PS:i feel others can hear what i'm thinking ,even i keep my mouth sensitively clamped,but they can still respond to what i'm thinking,talking with group to provoke my anysy.
更新2:
im so afraid,it was so unscientific but so Happening,it was terrible though that stranger or voicese belong to no one,and stranger's face could be just imagination?
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i feel no one like me,like a public abandon,like this afternoon i saw doctor,after i leave the room,the doc and nurse were gossiping terrible thing about me,and when i went to salon to trip my hair someone yield on the door say i deserve it.