Please correct it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I regret to inform you that my daughter has already been enrolled in another Primary School in Kwai Chung and has given up the place that you offered due to the inconvenient transportation from home to your school.

I am sorry for the inconvenience caused to your school. Meanwhile please refund the stationary charges in the sum of HK$ ____ which was paid on ___ June 2007. I would also be grateful if you could return the cheque (for what purpose ? school fee ?) dated ___ August 2008 in HK$____ to me in due course.

Should you have any query, please contact me at __________.
Thank you for your kind attention.

I regret to inform you that my daughter has enrolled in another Primary School in Kwai Chung and gives up the place you offered due to the inconvenience of transport.

Please refund the charges on stationary in a sum of HK$ ____ which was paid on ___ June 2007. I would be grateful if you could return the cheque to me dated on ___ August 2008 with HK$____ in due course.

Should you have any enquires, please contact me at __________. Thanks!

I regret to inform you that my daughter has already been enrolled in another Primary School in Kwai Chung and gives up the place that you offered due to the inconvenient transportation.

Please make the refund of the stationary charges in the sum of HK$ ____ which was paid on ___ June 2007. I would also be grateful if you could return the cheque dated ___ August 2008 of HK$____ to me in due course.

Should you have any enquiry, please contact me at __________.