請問英文點寫...急 急 急 急(不要網上解釋)20點

We used to pay 30% as deposit when doing business with a new vendor and pay no deposit or 10% for subsequent transactions. In fact, we have dealt with you for a period of time and we regard you an intimate business partner. We think we should be sufficiently trusted for weaving 30% deposit.
In addition, we usually release payment 45 days prior to production, we may now pay you for Jun & Jul 08 purchase orders. Regarding Aug & Sep 08 orders, we shall arrange it later on.
個人意見: 寫公文時要不卑不亢﹐即不可太強硬亦不宜太謙卑﹐除非情況特殊或老闆有指令﹐否則還是用詞較中性的好,你原文有給人大石押死蟹之感覺(因為你是buyer)﹐所以英文版本中我改用較正面之用詞 (在formal之business writing skill中常常強調之技巧)﹐尤其是那句 ... 我們會有不被信任之感覺

2008-05-14 14:12:49 補充：
Phoebe:我給你的 也不是甚麼獨特意見﹐我看到你提問極大部分是工作上之商業書信﹐我相信是你英文根底不夠好之故﹐浸會﹐Poly等都有夜間課程進修business writing skill或commercial correspondence﹐付點錢去修讀會終身受用﹐但想學好英語必須持之以恆﹐切忌一曝十寒; 還有一點﹐商業書信雖然不像我們讀書時寫essay一般﹐雖要華麗修辭或特別寫作技巧﹐但若沒有詞匯作基礎會不可能寫得好一封信件或一個e-mail的﹐所以你有空必需多學些vocabulary﹐看看英文報紙﹐聽聽明珠台news roundup都會有點用處的。

We used to pay 30% as deposit when doing business with a new vendor and pay no deposit or 10% for subsequent transactions. In fact, we have dealt with you for a period of time and we regard you an intimate business partner. We think we should be sufficiently trusted for weaving 30% deposit.


In addition, we usually release payment 45 days prior to production, we may now pay you for Jun & Jul 08 purchase orders. Regarding Aug & Sep 08 orders, we shall arrange it later on.


個人意見: 寫公文時要不卑不亢﹐即不可太強硬亦不宜太謙卑﹐除非情況特殊或老闆有指令﹐否則還是用詞較中性的好,你原文有給人大石押死蟹之感覺(因為你是buyer)﹐所以英文版本中我改用較正面之用詞 (在formal之business writing skill中常常強調之技巧)﹐尤其是那句 ... 我們會有不被信任之感覺

Come and go while cooperating with other suppliers, we if if the first time cooperate, we then will put down 30% deposits first, but later on of the orders all only need to put down 10% deposits first or completely don't need to put down deposit.
My company has already cooperated a few days with expensive department, plusing everyone is the relation of old friend, if the fruit expensive department still insists that my department put down 30% deposits first, we will feel not the feeling for trusting.

Besides, according to under the general condition, my department will at 45 naturally produce before expecting just will arrange deposit, so June and take delivery of goods July of order, we will put down deposit first, but the order in August September then will time arranges after comparing.