can you find any mistake in this english story?

she though may be crammed too much food into her stomach in yesterday night.

it should be:

she thought she may cramme too much food into her stomach yesterday night.


Oh no! I listened a rumor about that there has a monster appear this village lately!

it should be:

Oh no! I heard a rumor about a monster appearing in this village lately!
or
Oh no! I heard a rumor that ther has a monster appearing in this village lately!

2008-04-05 16:57:50 補充：
not ther,is there

Today was a nice day, Doris was walking in a road briskly, suddenly she felt hot…oh… she was hectic and gasping.She got flu. She revolved why she got flu. She thought that she crammed too much food into her stomach at yesterday night.

She went back home and found a pill, and then Doris mashed the pill. Suddenly, a cricket jumped onto table.

The cricket said, “Could you cuddle me, honey?”
“It is ventriloquism, isn’t it?” Doris talked to herself
“Absolutely no!” The cricket said
“I think I need a recess!” she said

The cricket proudly said “let me introduce myself, hum hum! Even I am enormous and I am a little bit naughty, but I will devote to do for you. When you need help, I am pleasure to do your baby sitter, let me become your ideal mate. I engage every your need, I wonder if you are love me?　　??I do not understand what it means??

“Oh no! I listened a rumor about that there will be a monster appear in this village lately! Oh it is true. My god! Why do you doom me? Why do you push me into profound?” Doris was dizzy and fall down .
我幫你改左！但係唔肯定！

-_-d tenses都錯......
informal/formal.

**mistake1) should be on the road.
the cricket?-?
**mistake2) should be '' i am devoted.
**mistakes3) why you doom me!_! wrong!
be: why do u choose me?
''do'' 同後面果句都錯的;>
希望我無睇漏
你都算多chines-style lol ^ ^
有d似我 =]
比心機

2008-04-05 15:06:04 補充：
你想cricket係擬人?