社交恐懼＋生活不如意

咁好希望大家可以指點下我，我好需要unbiased ge意見.

自從讀u開始就唔覺得有真正開心過. 一直都的唔起心去記住d materials, 經常scan d notes 就當已經paid effort.... 好失敗因為我點逼都唔會自發去讀. Set jor goal 要有80% 結果做唔到. 唔明人地做到點會自己唔得. 每個sem 不斷 occur this type of disappointment , then I don't know who I am anymore and what the hell I am doing every day.

唔知係咪家人唔o係lee邊... 自己又唔會主動識人(all of them are hi-bye friends)... 又獨居... 我就快撐唔到落去.
我一放學返屋企d suppressed emotions 就出晒來.
覺得u好多人好恐怖, 上堂唔明, 摸唔到key points... I am not a freshman anymore, but I feel as if I am a baby stepping into a wrong place. 無得著. 本來以為misfortune/ unhappiness可以幫我成長, 但太多變化太多令人費解的事令我適應唔到. 係咪讀u就係咁?
我好想獨立, turn out有人對我好反感, 覺得我自閉但扮到好獨立... 點解無端端都會俾到人bad impression?

因為太多講唔出ge鬱結, 我愈來愈唔識表達自己..　唔想俾人知我而家咁negative, wanna避開所有人唔見. 自己一個人先安心& comfortable... 但自我開解唔到. 真係有盡力take care of myself, 點降仲係振作唔到?

好驚以後會惡化, 係咪完左degree返返屋企見返family 就會好返?

好唔開心搞到自己咁. 我其實錯d咩? 係咪性格錯晒?
係咪我已經有少少mental disease ge symptoms?

Thanks everyone.