唔該幫我睇睇篇野d grammar同句子通唔通順=)

One day, a poor boy wanted to ask for a meal from a lady. However, helost his nerve when he sees saw the lovely, pretty lady. Instead of a meal,he asked for a drink glass of water. She thought that he looked hungry so shebrought him a large glass of milk.

He drank and asked, (Did drinking and asking happened at the same time, or did the boy ask the question once he was done drinking the milk?) “How much do I owe you?” “ You do not owe me anything,” she replied.

Year’s Yearslater, the boy became a doctor. And, when the young woman became criticallyill,. She she stayed at the a hospital to have medical treatment (This is redundant since there is no other purpose to stay at a hospital),. whereCcoincidently, the boy was in charging charge of her case. He recognized her atonce and decided to do his best to save her life.

After a longstruggle, the battle was won. (This was too dramatic, and it was not clear who struggled - the doctor or the patient, and what the battle was.) The boy requested that the business office topass forward (to request that ... is followed by a verb in subjunctive) the final bill to him for approval. He wrote something a note on theedge margin. Then the bill was sent to her. When the lady received the bill, She she was feared to open it because shewas sure that it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all the entire bill. Finally, when she looked at the bill,. Something caught her attention on the side of it. She readthose these words got her attention:… “Paid in full with one glass of milk.”

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Wonderful. I would like to congratulate you for having composed a very good story with fairly accurate grammar.




2008-03-24 06:41:34 補充：
Regarding the note on subjunctive, you should realize that there is no "s" or "ed" even though the subject of the verb "to pass" is third person singular and the event was in the past. The subjunctive form of verbs is the same as the bare-infinitive.

2008-03-24 06:41:54 補充：
For example:
The headmaster requested that Mary see him after school.
The headmaster is requesting that Jane see him after school.

One day, a poor boy wanted to ask for a meal from a lady. However, he lost his nerve (gut)when he sees (saw) the lovely pretty lady. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink (cup)of water. She thought he looked hungry so she brought him a large glass of milk.

He drank and asked, “How much do I owe you?” “ You do not owe me anything,” she replied.

Year’s(Years) later, the boy became a (medical) doctor. And the young woman became critically ill. She stayed at the hospital to have medical treatment. Coincidently, the boy was in charging (of) her case. He recognized her at once and decided to do his best to save her life.

After a long struggle, the battle was won (the operation was very sucessful).The boy requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He wrote something on the edge. Then the bill was sent to her. She (was) feared to open it because she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked. Something caught her attention on the side of it. She read those words… “Paid in full with one glass of milk”
大至上文法OK, 只有少許更適 當的字眼變動一下(亦非必需). 主要是一句 the battle was won 指 battle (subject) 贏了這場仗, 而非該手術或醫生. 所以改做 After a long struggle, the operation was very successful.....
故事結構什佳, 有意思.