改句子錯處...謝謝!!!(請一句對一句指出錯處)我會給予好心的你2O分

I [am] very sorrowful today.

因為 today 所以用現在式。


My father [is unemployed] today.

除了因為 today 外還要將名詞改為形容詞 [unemployed] 才正確。


So my family [losts the] main financial resource.

因為 my family 係數唔到，所以 [lost] 要加 [s]，另外還要加 [the] 在名詞 [main financial resource] 前面才正確。


I also had some problems, such as [loving] problem, [healthy] problem and so on.

因為 love, health 係名詞，所以要改為形容詞 loving, healthy 才正確。


If I [can] free to choose, I just want these troubles will get out of life.

因為後面個 want 係現在式，所以 could 要改為 can 才對。


But it is impossible, [because] reality is reality.

這句用 because 會比較通順。


But I believe that [the] adversity [will disappear] one day.

名詞前面要加 the, 另外 [will disappear] 同 [one day] 調轉會比較通順。


Never [giving] up is my character.

因為 give 係動詞，而一句不能有兩個動詞，所以要改為名詞的 [giving]。


Hope I can stick to my promise around the time and always think [it is] positive.

這句漏左代名詞 [it is]，不然的話便不通順了。

2008-03-13 02:03:06 補充：
So my family lost [the] main financial resource.

Oh sorry... 唔記得 lost 係過去式... 那麼錯處就只有加 [the] 在名詞 [main financial resource] 前面了。

2008-03-13 12:05:05 補充：
If I could free to choose, I [would hope that] these troubles [was getting] out of life [from me].

這樣文法才對，句子又通順。

I think you have to re-write the composition, such as follow:

I was very upsad today because my father losts his job this morning. We are
all depend on his income to take care of the family. Other than this, I have loving and health issues, these problems draging me crazy. I just want these problems get off my back. In reality, this is not something I could do about it. I certainly hope these problems will be gone with the time clock. Aftermaths, I am a strong person and always think positive, I will be on my double again. I promise to myself to fight back and be a man to do the right thing.

Most of the answer from the other are good too. They explained very claerly for your mistake. I just reqwrite your story. Good luck.

I was in deep sorrow today.
*You cannot use sorrowful since it is an adjective. You would need a noun after the sorrowful if you were desperate to use sorrowful.

My father was unemployed/fired today.

Thus, my family lost our primary source of income.

I also had other problems, such as love problem, health problem, etc.

If I could choose, I really wish that these troubles would just get out of my life.
*If you could choose, it automatically implies that you're free to choose. So, no need to put free. It makes it too repetitive and imprecise.

However, it is impossible/unattainable. After all, the reality is the reality/the reality is the truth.

Nevertheless, I believe that adversity will one day vanish.

I’ll never lose hope/ Never give up is my principle in life.

I sincerely hope that I can stick to my promise and think optimistically/positively at all times.

*I suspect that the sentences are supposed to be in a paragraph. If so, the following should be more suitable. I added transition words to make the paragraph flows.

I am in deep sorrow today because my father got fired, which means my family lost our primary source of income. Aside from the financial setback, I also have other dilemmas such as love problem, health problem, etc. If I could choose, I really wish that these troubles would just get out of my life. However, it is simply an unattainable desire. After all, the reality is the truth. Nevertheless, I believe that adversity will one day vanish. I will never lose hope. Never give up is my principle in life — now and forever on. I sincerely hope that I can stick to my promise and think optimistically at all times.

I hope my input helps!