可以幫我睇下呢個paragraph嗎?

我想你地比d意見我 你地覺得呢個paragraph有咩唔岩既地方?
又或者有咩可以改進?

Topic: Why become an accountant?

Shortly after I enrolled in Hong Kong high school, I resolutely decided to become an accountant in the future. My decision to become an accountant had several considerable reasons. For one reason, becoming an accountant allows me not to do any hard physical work. I will sit in an office, compute and compare data, and provide some advices to the clients. Simultaneously, I can instruct assistant to schedule appointments or search information for me by just calling out on the phone. Wanting to become an accountant, of course, has another reason: high salary. Extracted from Robert Half 2006 Salary Guide, the Canadian average annual salary for an accountant is up to 90,000; moreover, it does not include benefits or bonuses. Most importantly, accountants own more job opportunities than any other career. There is a huge demand for accountants in all businesses, especially small businesses because they commonly have no ability to understand and handle their finances. Once I am dismissed from an accountant job, therefore, I can easily find another job in the accounting positions and do not need to worry about unemployment. Although becoming an accountant benefits me a lot, I know all along that I have to make more efforts fro
m now on in order to successfully become an accountant.

唔該晒呀^^