心理學問題

Attention seeking

'He's only wanting my attention' we say, as our child screams and pulls at us. Your toddler is throwing a paddy on the floor or annoying the baby and we say 'she just does it for attention'. It sounds as though seeking your attention is not behaviour we think is appropriate; but stop and think a moment. It is not so much that they want your attention, but the way they go about getting your attention that we need to worry about. Is misbehaving the only way they know to get your attention? Do you respond when they misbehave? Do you respond as quickly when they ask politely for something?

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Babies have ways of holding our attention and, in fact, their very survival depends on this. We readily respond to the infant when it cries and we make sure we interpret the signals so the baby's demands are met. Later, the toddler demands to be independent, but there are still many times when the toddler insists that we attend to them. At what point are they able to manage without our attention? Does this happen overnight or slowly over time?

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Firstly, we have encouraged the child to want and have our attention. Secondly, we all like attention with someone to care and to fuss over us and what we do. So, attention seeking is not bad, but we also want our child to grow up confident in themselves.

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So how do we move children from needing someone's attention all the time, to wanting or needing it some of the time? It is a slow process and is achieved by giving the child what is needed at the time, while encouraging increasing responsibility for their own actions. They need to feel good about what they do and have our approval. So, if the child screams and pulls at us, we can say, 'when you stop I will listen to you.' Then we can say, 'I don't like it when you yell at me'. This way the child learns that other people have feelings and needs too. We are also teaching him that if he needs me I will respond, although it may not be when he wants it or in the way he hoped for. This builds trust and respect on both sides. A respected child has self-esteem.

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The toddler having a paddy on the floor does not need us to move away or say, 'stop that'. We can wait until the paddy has stopped and say, 'it makes you angry when you can't have the biscuit you wanted doesn't it?' The child then learns that having angry feelings is alright and how we deal with them is up to her. If she hits the baby then we can say, 'hurting the baby is not OK. You need to cool off and ask for what you want.' Keep these statements brief, especially if the child is young, but make it clear that hurting others is not permitted. When a child hurts another child they know they will win your attention - we need them to be sure they can have our attention at other times. If they only get it when they are 'naughty' they will learn to be naughty to get it! Prompt attention and encouraging them to handle their own request or complaint will support them, but not make wanting your attention a requirement for them. 'I'll watch while you do it' is encouraging and it also says 'I approve of what you are doing'.

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翻譯
http://world.altavista.com/tr

attention seeking 姐係 “引人注意 ”
特別係小朋友都希望其他人會多D留意佢地﹐所以就會做唔同既野黎引人既注意。 可以係一 D 壞行為﹐如打爛野﹑嘈住大人講野 etc。 但亦可以係用正面方法﹐如考第一 etc.。 原因有好多﹐引人注意係天性﹐因為人類 BB 唔識自己搵野食﹐所以需要用喊黎叫人幫佢。有D小朋友安全感比較低 (好似單親既小朋友)﹐所以要不停地 make sure 大人仲知道佢存在﹑要 confirm 下大人仲關心佢。有D就真係因為缺乏關心﹐所以做出一D行為黎引大人注意而得到短暫既注意力﹐即便係俾人鬧。

但 attention seeking 係咩年齡都會有﹐如熱愛表演者都可能係享受別人既注意。老人家有時變得麻煩都可能係因為佢想多D人關心。

hope it helps!