唔該幫我check下篇文有冇錯呀,thz

Here, I want to talk about my last birthday. My last birthday was a fabulous day, I received a surprise.

That day was a school day.

“Oh, no, I don’t want to go to school on my birthday! It takes half of my birthday off!” I shouted. Although I could do anything I like that day, (because it’s my birthday. YEAH!) I must go to school. What a pity! At school, I received birthday prices. They were from my friends. I really appreciated.

After school, I stayed home and did my homework. I was looking forward to my dad and mom coming back and bringing me a present when I was doing my homework.

I was watching TV when they arrived home. They didn’t say anything such as “happy birthday” to me. They didn’t give me any present. I was really unhappy. “They forgot about my birthday..." I thought sadly.

It was 10:00p.m. They still hadn't talked about my birthday. I presumed that they have forgotten my birthday. However, after I entered my room, I turned on the light, I saw a box on my bed. I opened the box.

“Oh!” I shouted. In the box, it was a new mobile phone!"

That’s the birthday present that I wanted all along! I told my dad and mom before my birthday! They remembered it!

“Happy birthday!” Mom and dad said while they were walking in. Mom was holding a birthday fruit cake (I like fruit cake very much), and on the cake there was my name written on it by cream.

“Here’s your favorite cake,” mom said.

“Hope you like it, my daughter.” Dad said. After that, I gave them a big kiss.

We had a delightful, harmonic night and I had a exclusively brilliant birthday.

2008-02-12 21:24:47 補充：
it supposed to include in dense but yahoo disabled it

整體黎講,你篇文都ok, 但係d grammar有d錯同有d病句.

1.第一句應該話: my last birthday was a good day, i had a suprise
.
2.(because it’s my birthday. YEAH!)~這句唔要

3. 應該係what a pity, 唔係what"s a pity

4.咩叫birthday prices?? 應該係birthday presents.

5.They’re from my friends. Thanks them! 應改做they were from my friends. thank you!

6. i was looking forward my dad and mum back home and bring me a price when I was doing my homework.應改做 I was looking forward to my parents to come back and give me a birthday present.

7. And they didn’t give me any present應改做and they didn'y give me any presents

8.after I entered my room, opened the light, I saw a box on my bed. I opened the present box. “ oh!” I shouted. In the box, that’s a new mobile phone!應改做 after I entered my room and turned on the light, I saw a box on my bed. I opened and saw a new mobile phone inside.

9.And on the cake there’s my name wrote by cream on it. 應改做on the cake, there was my name written by cream on it.

10.We had a good, happy night and I had a good birthday應改做 we had a good, happy night and I had a suprising birthday.

希望我可以幫道你

Here, I wanted to talk about my last birthday. My last birthday is a good day, I received a surprise.
That day was a school day. “ Oh, no, I don’t want to go to school on my birthday! It takes me half of my birthday!”, I shouted. Although I could do everything I like that day, (because it’s my birthday. YEAH!) but I must go to school. What’s a pity! At school, I received many birthday presents. They’re from my friends. Thank them!
After school, I stayed at home and did my homework. When I was doing my homework, I was looking forward to the return of my parents and also the birthday gift .
When they reached home, I was watching TV. They didn’t say anything such as “happy birthday!”. And they didn’t give me anything. I was really unhappy. “They forgot that today is my birthday,”I thought sadly.
Until 10:00p.m., they didn’t talk anything about my birthday. It made me sure that they had forgotten my birthday. After I entered my room and opened the light, I saw a box on my bed. Without hesitation, I opened the box. “ Oh!” I shouted. In the box, that’s a new mobile phone!
That’s the birthday present that I wanted! I mentioned it to my dad and mum before my birthday! They remember it!
“Happy birthday.” mum and dad came in. Mum was holding a birthday fruit cake. I like fruit cake very much. And on the cake there’s my name wrote by cream. “
“ Here’s your favourite cake,” mum said. “Hope you like it, my daughter.” Dad said. I gave them a big kiss.
We had a good, happy night and I had a good birthday.

這裡, 我想談論我的前個生日。我的前個生日是一個早晨好, 我接受了驚奇。那天是一個教學日"oh, 沒有, 我不想要去學校在我的生日! 它採取一半我的生日!" 我呼喊。雖然我能做任何我喜歡那天, (因為它是我的生日。呀!) 但我必須去學校什麼是哀憐! 在學校, 我接受了生日價格。他們是從我的朋友。感謝他們!
在學校以後, 我在家停留了和做了我的家庭作業。我看今後我的爸爸和媽咪後面家和帶來我價格當我做我的家庭作業。當他們到家, 我看電視。他們不是前述任何譬如"生日快樂" 。並且他們沒有給我任何禮物。我是真正地怏怏不樂的。"他們忘記今天是我的生日," 我哀傷地認為。
直到10:00p.m, 他們沒談論那。那使我肯定, 他們忘記了我的生日在我進入了我的室之後, 被打開光, 我看見了一個箱子在我的床上。我打開了出席箱子"oh!" 我呼喊。在箱子, 那是一個新流動電話! 那是我想要的生日禮物! 我告訴了我的爸爸和媽咪在我的生日之前! 他們記住了那!
"愉快的birthday."mum 和爸爸來了in. 媽咪拿著生日果子蛋糕。我非常喜歡果子蛋糕。並且在蛋糕有我的名字寫了由奶油對此。"這您的喜愛蛋糕," 媽咪說。"希望您喜歡, 我的女兒。" 爸爸說。我給了他們一個大親吻。我們有一, 愉快的晚上好並且我有一個好生日。

↑以上系你篇文既翻譯結果`
總括黎講 篇文個IDEA都OK既!