Will Never Fit In?

It's very difficult to write poetry in rhymed couplets...you usually have to enjamb the lines so it doesn't come off as too rhymy...however, you do better than most, which means you have an ear for poetry and your beats are not too far off the mark, which means you have talent. There is, however, one malapropism, and that is "hoar"...yes, it rhymes, but how old age fits in with the way you use this word in this sentence is anyone's guess. Still, you manage to put words into play that come off as insightful, regardless of their potential superficiality...and that is also a mark of talent. I'd edit this one and keep it pretty much the way it reads now.

keep writing

that poem is great!!
i agree with everything it says..
society sucks!

why do i feel sick?,
why is my home burning?
why did this happen to me?
i have to get out of nagasaki!!!
humans are bad to humans because we'll never understand or have peace until we let our pride go.

Very good, love it. But I don't like the word "hoar", I don't see how it belongs. A star for you!

I love you

Wow how can u know how can you see

Wow that is intresting.

And your cute.

It's very good =D

I have a suggestion though, in the second to last line.

I don’t want nails in my wrists and feet

I don't want nails in my wrists or through my feet

Makes the last bit flow a bit more when you speak it =]

wow

That's deep Nena