I'm a Chinese student who is learning English language.
I wrote a poem in English,
but I 'm afraid there should have been severar mistakes in it.
would you please help me to check and make it better?
Much thanks! Sincerely!
OUR SONG - Written for the years to come
Since this ancient time,
we are wrirting our Auld Lang Sung,
How can we remenber,
when time has passed our years to come?
Every day we see you and me,
And tomorrow we don't know what will be.
Just wish us a bright future,
And we know we'll again come here.
She is Michelle a pretty girl,
He is Cupid a naughty ked.
Their youth won't wait for them,
They just to promise to keep their Love.
PS. THIS poem is written for I and my GF,
maybe we are going to different universities,
but we hope we can keep our love forever!
Oh, Michelle, Love you so much!
Always praying fou you!
Check my LOVE Poem?
2007-12-30 8:45 am
回答 (9)
2007-12-30 9:04 am
✔ 最佳答案
It's really good
2007-12-30 9:23 am
Auld lang syne
ok its beautiful as is ...cos its from the heart...
yes there are errors ... so lets have a look at it: trying to use your expressions where possible.
Our Song.
written for our future,
yet remembering our past
time has come that we may be apart
yet each day I will feel you near
in my mind I will embrace you
know touch, your smile, the love in your heart.
I wish for us a future that is bright and full of cheer
for you Michelle my precious beau
from Cupid your man forever that is if fate allows
ok its beautiful as is ...cos its from the heart...
yes there are errors ... so lets have a look at it: trying to use your expressions where possible.
Our Song.
written for our future,
yet remembering our past
time has come that we may be apart
yet each day I will feel you near
in my mind I will embrace you
know touch, your smile, the love in your heart.
I wish for us a future that is bright and full of cheer
for you Michelle my precious beau
from Cupid your man forever that is if fate allows
2007-12-30 8:54 am
This is such a beautiful poem. Just know that long distance relationships are hard, but not impossible, if it's meant to be love will conquer all. =) I hope you two have many joyous years together.
2007-12-30 8:54 am
A pretty girl? PRETTY? Pretty is quite a non decript word. What about beatuiful? That woul make me feel a lot better if I was Michelle.
2008-01-02 4:59 pm
Not bad...
2007-12-31 1:15 pm
okay. i don't really like it, but it' not because you'r e abad poet, because you're not. you're good. i just don't really like love poems.
2007-12-30 12:33 pm
It's just beautiful, simple and has a certain degree of innocence, rare to find. I have just made little changes without changing the meaning of your poem. Just wanted to make it visually appealing.
Our Song
Written for those many tomorrows,
In these moments of 'us',
- writing our own Auld Lang Sung,
Would we remember,
when time has passed
our years to come?
These days of you and me,
Unsure moons of tomorrows
- somewhere 'you' and somewhere 'me';
A wish upon a falling star,
of 'us' again - here.
Oh! the beautiful Michelle,
And me - a mischievious Cupid!
In these sunlit days of our time,
Let's vow to love forever -
until the autumn of our lives.
...i guess you stick to your own ;)
Our Song
Written for those many tomorrows,
In these moments of 'us',
- writing our own Auld Lang Sung,
Would we remember,
when time has passed
our years to come?
These days of you and me,
Unsure moons of tomorrows
- somewhere 'you' and somewhere 'me';
A wish upon a falling star,
of 'us' again - here.
Oh! the beautiful Michelle,
And me - a mischievious Cupid!
In these sunlit days of our time,
Let's vow to love forever -
until the autumn of our lives.
...i guess you stick to your own ;)
2007-12-30 12:28 pm
No, dear your poem does not need any correction. The feeling expressed in it is so beautiful that the words do not matter much.
2007-12-30 10:13 am
Beautiful...good luck Cupid Miho.
2007-12-30 8:57 am
Very sweet I love it
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