幫我檢查一下這篇的文法

沒有括號的代表grammar都正確:
One day, Dennis 's niece came to visit him.
She was five years old.
She was very cute.
Dennis decided to take her to a restaurant for lunch.

After lunch,they went to the park that is near his home.
(我覺得After lunch, they went to a park nearby/to a park near his home 會好D)

They played happily there for a long time.

At (唔係'At', 係'In") the evening,they backed home on foot.('Back' 唔係verb, 唔可以加'ed', 所以應改為'they went back home on foot.')

By the way, ('By the way',t係解作'順便說說', 而你呢度係講'在回家的途中', 所以要改作'On their way'/'On their way back to home') they passed (唔應該用"passed", 可以用" they walked pass a temple") a temple.

His niece said,"Let 's go inside and pray for a while."
Therefore, they went inside and prayed together.

After that, he asked,"What did you say(可以加"to God")?"
"I said that Dear God, please forgive me, because I have nothing to give you."
(應該要改做: "I asked God to forgive me, because I had nothing to give Him." 因為應該要用reported speech來複述之前所講過嘅野)

Dennid was touched suddenly.
(我覺得at once 會比 suddenly 好, 因為suddenly 係解"突然", 如果係"突然地被感動"會有d奇怪)

It reminded He (唔係"he", 係"him", 仲有應該係"It reminded him that he always...") always hoped (hope應該係present tense,要用hopes, 因為他以前同現在都希望, 另外, 你用了always) that God gives anything to him easily.
("...always hopes God to give him everything" 會好D同o岩文法D)

He thought he was really silly.
He was ashamed of himself.
He never forgot this event.
(He could never forget this incident/event 會較好)

It helped him to improve himself more and more...
(唔駛more and more, 一個more就夠了)

2007-12-09 15:24:59 補充：
Sorry, 有D怪獸字, 改過俾你:- One day, Dennis's niece came to visit him.- She was five years old.- She was very cute.- Dennis decided to take her to a restaurant for lunch.

2007-12-09 15:27:10 補充：
- They played happily there for a long time.- At (唔係At, 係In) the evening,they backed home on foot.(Back唔係verb, 唔可以加-ed, 所以應改為they went back home on foot.)

2007-12-09 15:27:47 補充：
- By the way, (By the way,係解作:順便說說, 而你呢度係講:在回家的途中, 所以要改作On their way/On their way back home) they passed a temple.(唔應該用passed,可以用they walked pass a temple)

2007-12-09 15:30:02 補充：
- His niece said,"Let 's go inside and pray for a while."- Therefore, they went inside and prayed together. - After that, he asked,"What did you say(可以加"to God")?"

2007-12-09 15:31:37 補充：
- "I said that Dear God, please forgive me, because I have nothing to give you."(應該要改做: "I asked God to forgive me, because I had nothing to give Him." 因為應該要用reported speech來複述之前所講過嘅野)

2007-12-09 15:32:46 補充：
- Dennid was touched suddenly.(我覺得at once 會比 suddenly 好, 因為suddenly 係解"突然", 如果係"突然地被感動"會有d奇怪)

2007-12-09 15:35:15 補充：
- It reminded He (唔係he,係him, 仲有應該係It reminded him that he always...) always hoped (hope要用present tense,啫係hopes, 因為他以前和現在都希望,同埋你用了always) that God gives anything to him easily.(...always hopes God to give him everything easily,會好D同o岩文法D)

2007-12-09 15:35:49 補充：
- He thought he was really silly.- He was ashamed of himself.- He never forgot this event.(He could never forget this incident/event 會較好)- It helped him to improve himself more and more...(唔駛more and more, 一個more就夠了)

有一句 They played happily there for a long time. 可以係寫成They played happily.

係 In the evening,they went home on foot.