改文法!!! (15分)

My current position is Assistant Merchandiser at one of the UK Buying Offices in Kowloon Bay.

If using job....it is usual describing the job nature itself.



"I think it is time for me to look for another job, which deals with customer directly, and involves....... and involves more in sales and marketing."

There is no relations for using "so" to connect the preceeding sentence. To start with "so" is common error for people. No need for using continuous tense. "...and more sales and marketing...." seems fragemented.



My current experiences in the field of textile could enable me to work under pressure and adapt to any working enviroment.
No subject in the front phrase and the is "+ing" for working environment. And this sentence focusing on your experiences in textile help you and I re-write it better for you.


Hope this is of help to you.

I am currently employed as an Assistant Merchandiser in an UK Buying office at Kowloon Bay.
Job俾人感到只係一份工, 對工作無熱誠, 在揾工時盡量少用 / 用is as 太矯口 / 是employed as an xxx in a company, not employed.... at a company 在某公司中工作, 不是在某公司那處工作 / at kowloon bay - located at somewhere, 不是 located in somewhere
I feel now is the correct moment to move onto a career which involves sales, marketing and dealing with customers directly.
So太口語化, 在書寫中不應使用 / 同樣不應用job / 在英文書寫中應盡量避免使用 's - eg. he's, she's. 應寫全寫 / it's time = 夠鐘. 你對現時工作好厭倦? 用the correct moment顯示你巳準備好, 接受新挑戰 / move onto有向上的意思, 好過話look for another job, 又係無熱誠, 東家唔打打西家
Having worked in a bustling environment such as the textile industry, I am able to adapt and work sedulously in any environment.
As working... 係因為或好似在工作... 太中式英文 / 唔係人人知道textile係好緊張忙碌的行業. 你要假設佢唔知, 而話佢知 / sedulous = involving or accomplished with careful perseverance

My current job is an assistant merchandiser in one of the UK buying office at Kowloon Bay. I think it's time for me to seek another job, I want deal with customers directly and can have more sales and marketing experience. I hope working in textile field because I can work under pressure and no matter any working environment.
我感覺這樣寫比較有連貫性 , 同簡單容易明白 。這是否跟你意思完全一樣?