Please help me to correct my writting and give marks for me.

Yesterday I was so tired that my mom and dad let me stay at home by myself.
I felt very bored today since my mom didn't allow me to play computer games and my dad forbidded me to read comic books. There was no ant cartoon showed on the TELEVISION and I had nothing to do. I gazed at the sky and think why the cloud looked like a piece of bread. Why did the cloud resemble a banana? Why was the cloud like an apple? The cloud was amazing! The cloud is interesting. I have learnt more knowledge about cloud after today's observation.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My suggestion is: You should play less computer games, read less comic books and watch less cartoon shows for your own good! The content is hollow but okay for a primary student.

content: 2/5
grammar: 2/5

Yesterday I was so tired that Mum and Dad left me at home alone. I felt very bored because Mum did not allow me to play computer games and Dad did not let me read comics,either. As there was no cartoons at TV, I had nothing to do. I could only observe the sky. Why did clouds sometimes look like bread, sometimes look like bananas and apples? The clouds were so amazing! They were so interesting. I learnt more about the shapes of clouds from yesterday.

content: 14/20
organization: 14/20
vacabulary:16/20
grammar: 8/20
punctuation: 18/20

Total: 70/100

I WAS VERY TIRED YESTEDAY SO MON AND DAD LEFT ME ALONE AT HOME.
TODAY IS A VERY BORING DAY AND MON DOES NOT LET ME PLAY COMPUTER GAMES.

Yesterday, I was very tired so my mother and father let me stay at home alone.
It was a very boring day beacuse my mother did not let me to play computer games and my father did not let me to read comic books. On TV, cartoon was not on. So, I had nothing to do. I looked at the sky. The cloud was very funny as it could become many shapes like bread, banana, apple... It was really amazing! After that day, I leant something about the cloud.

2007-11-27 10:57:28 補充：
You had forgotten to use PASS TESN. And there is some broken English in your passage you can use some word like and, as, because, also .....

Yesterday, I was very tired so Mum and Dad let me stay at home alone.
It was a boring day. My mum did not let me play computer games. Dad did not let me read comics, either. There was not cartoon "Ant" on TV. So, I had nothing to do. I looked at the sky. Why was the cloud like a bread? Why was the cloud like a banana? Why was the cloud like an apple? The clouds were amazing! They are interesting! After the day, I knew more about the clouds.
你忘記了用過去式,字句中有點中英夾雜...例如:"俾"係let不是"gave" 冇野做係 I have nothing to do...等
你的結局有點拖字...但尚算有創意
文法: 2.5/6 內容:3.5/6
中一二可算合格...

Yesterday, I was very tied, so my Mom and Dad let me stay at home alone.

I was bored today. My Mom did not let me play with my computer games, and my Dad did not let me read my comics. On TV, cartoon was not on, so I had nothing to do, but watch the sky. I was thinking, " Why the cloud looks like a piece of bread?" or " Isn't the cloud looks like a banana or an apple?". The many shapes of clouds are amazing. Cloud is interesting. After today, I shall know more about cloud.

Yesterday I was too tired that my parents left me at home alone.
I was very boring. My mother did not let me play computer games. My father did not allow me to read the comics. There was no cartoon TV programme, so that I had nothing to do. I looked at the sky. I wondered why a cloud was like a piece of bread, a cloud was like a banana, and a cloud was like an apple. The cloud was amazing and interesting. Since then, I thought I knew more about the clould.

* * * * * * * * * *
I guess the above event is happened on the same day, so that all verbs are changed to pass tense.
Besides, I don't have experience to give marks on articles.