幫我see下我ｏ的文，有咩錯　比個分我（１篇）

yesterday was my birthday , I loved that day very much.
Yesterday was my birthday , I *enjoyed it very much.

That day,my family made a birthday party for me in the MAC
That day,my family *held a birthday party for me in the MAC

with my best classmates they are Boby,John,Alan,etc.
with my best *friends, they *were Boby, John, Alan,etc.
(friends好d; 多gwor一個要用were; 開始用左past tense後面都要)

At that time,we first play some games,it was very extiting!
At *the party, we first played some games, *they were very *exciting!
(多gwor一個game)

After played,mon bought a lot of gift for us ,we loved it.
After *playing, *Mom bought a lot of *gifts for us, we loved *them very much.
(多gwor一分禮物)

We took the gift and played he game so we felt tried.
We took the *gifts and played *the games so we felt tried.
(多gwor一分禮物)

We had not enough energy to play any things,
We *do not have enough energy to play *games any more,

so we ate the pan cake, hamburger etc.
so we ate *pancakes, hamburgers etc.
(冇指定一舊pancake/hamburger, 唔洗the)

At thtat day, I think it is the best birthday in my life.
*I thought that day was the best birthday in my life.

2007-11-28 17:53:23 補充：
80/100分

Yesterday was my birthday , I loved that day very much.
That day,my family made a birthday party for me in the MAC with my best friends, they are Boby,John,Alan,etc.
In the first time,we played some games,it was very extiting!After played,mon bought a lot of gift for us ,we loved them.
Then,we played some games so we felt tried. We had not enough energy to p do anything.Therefore, we ate a pan cake , a hamburger etc.
I think that day was my best birthday in my life.

我諗84分左右~!

2007-11-27 23:49:12 補充：
第3段個extiting要轉做exciting

2007-11-27 23:51:04 補充：
第3段個gift要轉做gifts

2007-11-27 23:54:14 補充：
第3段個bought要轉做gave(give嘅過去式)

Suggest rewriting
2nd sentence:That day,my family made a birthday party for me in the MAC.I invited my some best classmates, they were Boby,John,Alan,etc.
3rd : At...we played some games first ,it was very exciting!
After playing games,mother bought a lot of gift for us ,we loved it.
4th:We took the gifts .(played he game so we felt tried)句子表達錯誤，令人睇唔明 had not enough energy to play any things可以改為hungry ,so ...不變

英文作句應該時間,地點排最後。當然高階英文,可以修改次序

2007-11-28 17:06:25 補充：
分數 5.5/10句子結構需改善

yesterday was my birthday, I loved that day very much.
That day,my family held a birthday party for me in the MAC with my classmates, such as Boby,John,Alan,etc.
At that time,we played some games first,it was extiting! During playing the games,mom bought a lot of gift for us ,we loved it very much.
We chose the gift and played the game again and we felt tired. We did not have energy to play other things, so we ate some delicious food, such as pan cake, hamburger. And finally we said goodbye to each other and went back home.

I think it is the best birthday in my life, I will never forget it.

隨便修改一下，
還未夠完美。

你文章入面after用擺錯左位,extiting你應該係串錯左


二應該得個thtat錯左~