Serious question on family matters. (check details)?

This is a hard one. First off, I am sorry for your lost. Its a terrible thing to lose a parent.
About your grandfather, I understand you may feel you need to keep that promise to your mother...but maybe she wasnt thinking right when she told you not to tell him. Maybe if she actually had some time to think it over, she would have wanted you to say something. Remeber, she was his little girl, yes, it maybe heartbreaking....but how would YOU feel if soemone kept your childs death a secret?
One day, when your grandfather is in a good mood, sit him down and tell him...let him cry, let him get mad....just be there for him.
I hope everything works out for you. I know you are put in a very difficult situation.

Wow, if i were in your shoes I would just go ahead and tell your grandpa because to keep a secret like that is very hard and stressful on you. It sounds like your mom and her dad had some issues, but didnt get worked out before she died. A man has the right to know that his child has passed away. and for you sanity sake make the best decision for you.

I'm sorry for your lost, i know it's a big one. If I were you, I would keep the promise, tell your grandpa, she goes abroad, study for her College/Master/PHD degree and won't come back for a short period of time. Write your grandpa emails, so it looks like real. He probably miss her, send him gifts (internet order) etc...

He probably will figure out someday himself but at least you didn't break your promise.

I'm really sorry for you, I know it's really hard but I'm afraid if you tell him the truth, he might not be able to handle the truth...

I would keep my promise to my mother,it was out of unselfish love that she requested that promise from you Seems she wanted to protect him as much as she could, I believe she also knew how hard this would be for you also.It is easy to sit at this computer giving advice and not going through the situation myself and I can not honestly say i don't know how long I could do it. But since I believe in the word of God that he will put no more on you than you can bear then I believe he will take care of it some way. You are a good son and i wish you peace in your life the very best to you and your family.

It sounds like your mom was wanting to protect her dad emotionally.

Tough question.

I do not think their is a right or wrong in telling him or not. If lying to him bothers you that much than you should tell him the truth. To give yourself peace and possibly him too. He may not even remember the next day or it may give him a reason to no longer hold on to life. As a good thing or bad. There is a risk.

You should not feel bad about doing what you think is right no matter the out come.

WOW - this is a very hard situation. It's not going to be good for you to lie and it's going to be very hard to keep your mom's dying wish. I think a dying wish like this is unfair and that it's incredibly cruel to have put such a demand on you. I would sit down with grandpa and have a heart to heart. There must be a friend who knows your grandpa and mom to where they can share the news with grandpa in a sensitive way. Just because she asked the family to keep the death a secret doesn't mean that people outside the family have to keep it a secret. I'd have a family friend who understands talk with grandpa and let him know that your mother died and that she asked the family to keep it a secret from him. That person would tell him that why you didn't tell him. It's going to create some issues no matter how you address it. You just have to be extra patient, sensitive and diplomatic and careful. I'd contact your pastor for more advice. If however, he has alzheimers, or some other condition that impairs him mentally - he's probably better off just not knowing if you can handle it. I mean if he only has a few years left anyway and is not really going to understand - why put pain on him like that? That's one thing to avoid doing as a mom. Sorry you have to deal with such an issue.

She probably thought she was keeping him safe from that kind of news but it's only right for him to know that his daughter died. It's a promise you need to be willing to break in order for this guilty conscience of yours to be put to rest. It's a lot worse to watch him wonder why she never calls and is always gone on an errand than to know that she passed. Tell him what happened. It's the right thing to do.

i also had a similar problem with my grandpa to which i had to lie in order for him not to get worse b/c of his condition. If you tell him the truth he will have a break down and get worse. As to telling him the lie that can't hurt him or your mother. Sorry I couldn't give you a much better answer. You will be in my prayers.

Your mother had her reasons for asking this, and if you agreed, you need to keep your promise.

She probably feels her father could not handle the news of her death. The death of a child, at any age, is devastating to a parent. She wants to spare him this, most likely.

Keep your promise. It might be difficult, but I guarantee it's a lot easier than your grandfather knowing his daughter is dead. You should always keep a promise you made to someone. Promises are not "made to be broken". Whether or not a person can keep a promise, even if it's hard, is a measure of his character.

What I would do depends a lot on her reasons for wanting her death kept secret from her dad. If he's in frail health, and this might kill him, I could see it; but you say he's physically strong so I imagine he could handle the truth. As long as his high blood pressure is under control, I think you should tell him. The news wouldn't do much for his mood swings permanently, although he might go into a "down" phase for awhile.

Based just on what was said above, I'd say tell him. Your grandfather is getting older, so there's never going to be a better time than now. You'll feel better, too, because you can discuss things with him.

If you want, you can e-mail me. Good luck with whatever you decide.