How do I stop myself from getting down in the dumps?

Hi lostgirl,
I understand your loneliness & pain. But did it ever occured to you that the most painful thing that happened to you (your marriage which led to its divorce) gave you 2 of the most beautiful person you ever have (your 2 beautiful girls)?? So from a higher perspective, your marriage was never a mistake. It just didn't turned the way it's supposed to be. But lo & behond, look at the fruit of it !! your 2 beautiful daughters. Instead of feeling like a victim & being left out, start appreciating the bright side of things. Life ain't all that bad. It's all about perspective. You keep dwelling on your divorce & loneliness. Why not welcome this oncoming changes as a dawning of new opportunities? I always believed to the very core of my heart that "when a door closed, a window of opportunity opens up simultaneously". Stay positive, because that's the only way you can be alert & aware of new opportunities coming your way. Believe me, I won't be surprised if 10 years from now, you'll look at your husband's infidelity as the best thing that happened to you because through this divorce you get to finally find another man who loves you very much.

Well...a divorce is like a death in the family....you have to go through the entire grieving process and realize that the marriage didn't survivie....it wasn't your fault and you have to move on.

This is the first day of the rest of your life. What are you going to do with it? It is your opportunity to start over....so think through those things you want for your children. You have to learn to make those things start to happen...not by leaning on someone else, but by taking the steps that will get you there with you own efforts.

For a woman, it is often a hard thing to do....just realize that many women have done it. There are even probably groups that you could join that would help you get started...women who have had the same thing happen to them.

Don't dwell on what you don't have, you can't do, etc. Instead make a plan, step by step on what you need to do first.
Do you need to move to a better location. Could you move near where your best friend will be....is that a possibility?
Do you need to get more training to get a better job? Could you start a business from home? Many women do....so they can be home with the kids, and get a good job going.

Where do you want to be in a year? in two years?...five?
You see ...be a goal setter...and no one says it will be easy.
But get busy planning and working to better your life...and allow yourself time to also meet other parents...even if it's in your kids activities, etc....like soccer, etc.

Meet people, and eventually maybe you will meet someone else who wants those kids and will be a faithful spouse....but in the meantime....get busy and start in the logical place.
Sometimes it takes courage to just step out and try.

And find ways to be with people....maybe at a church? They can be very supportive......have things for your kids, etc.

I think you should go to those counseling service. It's all a habit thing, you use to see his family and when now the situation has change, it takes some time to adapt to new life and new enviroment. Be strong, take the kids to join some activities, you may also want to do some research in your area see what kind of interest group you may want to join, this will broaden you social life, and you may meet some new friends. Once a psychologist told me it's like a table, when you have many legs, even though you lost one of them you'll still be fine. But if you only have two leg or even one and when you lost that leg, you'll be easily colapsed. I hope this will help you.

How about you call your ex- husband and tell him how you feel and you want to see the children more because if you don't, you really don't know what you will do. I think you have the right to see them if you are divorced. talk to you ex and see what he says. nothing is wrong with trying.

I to just went through a divorce. about 3 weeks ago it became final. my son is only 30 months old and is who he is because of how we have been raising him, together. i have been moping for the last three months while she has her friends (of the opposite sex) over all the time. make some new friends and spend time with them. it is easier said than done, i know, but when you start occupying your time with others you start to feel better about yourself and with that you become happier. you will do your girls no good if you spend your days sad and depressed. learn to love yourself again and everything else will fall into place.

I don't have a good answer to your first question other than sometimes we have to find our happy place even when we don't feel very happy. Otherwise we will just go crazy and that is the worst thing we can do when there are children involved. My happy place is to think about my kids and do things with them. You can have an extended family thru a local church (even if you are not particularly religious) if you find the right one it can be great for the kids. Eventually when you are ready and the right person comes along maybe you can have the whole nine yards...

Good luck!