oy pregnant best friend drama?

家庭及人際關係 朋友
2007-10-31 7:18 pm
Okay... my best friend is pregnant, shes 22 and the father is a complete dead beat.. drugs, alchohol, no job, has a kid already and doesnt pay support or see it, just broke up with her.. but yet my friend is chasing after him like CRAZY. I've tried talking to her a million times to just get to the court systems, get appropriate papers filled out (child support) and stop chasing him. He comes back every other week or so and they mess around.. so she keeps getting her heart back in this whole thing.. okay so.. here in lies my dilema, normally I would throw my hands up and say forget it, not my life. But I feel for this child and my friend.. EESH I dont know what to do. She calls me like once a week at least, crying about how he cheated on her or called her fat, called her a *****, etc etc. I dont know what to do.. do I walk away and butt out and keep letting my friend get trampeled(sp?) on? helllllp
更新1:

I guess I should add she's not so sure if she wants it.. I mean it's too late anyway, she made the final decision to keep it but you can see in her face she doesn't want it. She still is smoking a pack a day.. There's a part of me that wants to just end all contact with her.. but I feel for that kid

回答 (7)

2007-10-31 7:28 pm
✔ 最佳答案
Sadly...it's not your problem and this girl is going to have to make her own way in life, her own mistakes and fall down on her own. I understand that you feel for the child, but you can't "save" anyone who doesn't want to be saved and unfortunately, no matter what a horrible mother she is, she is still going to be the child's mother.

I think the best thing for you to do is to write her a letter expressing all of your feelings about her situation, the guy, the child, etc. and give it to her. Let her know that you can't stand by and watch her ruin her life and the child's life...so you are going to have to distance yourself from her a little bit. You are doing her a BIGGER favor by forcing her to take some responsibility for herself than you are by sticking it out with her and being there to catch her when she falls.
👍 1 👎 0
2007-11-01 2:27 am
Sweetheart... sometimes we have to let go, STOP worrying, you've tried to convince her otherwise, so just leave her to hit rock bottom (Sad to say that some people learn that way). I'm NOT saying ignore her, I'm saying continue to listen and be there for her, give her advice, but if she's not taking it, then you should be at ease with yourself because you've done what you can do and there's nothing more to it. I understand that you feel for her and her unborn child, so just pray for them, pray so that they find peace and happiness.

I hope everything works out fine babe, have a great day! I wish your best friend the best...
參考: Have a brother in the same situation...
👍 0 👎 0
2007-11-01 2:26 am
You can't change someone or force them to do something. Even if its the right thing to do. Your poor friend is probably scared, and feels alone. Most people would leave and let her figure it out on her own, but its really up to you. Personally I would be there as someone for her to talk to. She needs stability and security, and if your willing you could be that for her. On the other hand, its emotionally draining, so i think you have to make a decision about how much of yourself you're willing to give her.
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2007-11-01 2:25 am
Wow, you are a good friend but thats something she needs to deal with becuase some people just like poisin. Thats hard and i would want to help her to.o but I really don't know either but you are a very good friend to have.
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2007-11-01 2:22 am
Yes you do. There is obviously something wrong with this girl. You need to back away and move on with your drama free life before she drains the energy from you. Hopefully she will figure out what a huge mistake she is making and will get her life back on track. In the meantime though you are only enabling her by being involved.
👍 0 👎 0
2007-11-01 2:22 am
you tell her ONE LAST TIME that he's not good enough for her.. and if she cant see that.. to STOP coming to you with her problems with him. you've told her what she should do- it's up to her to LISTEN. tell her there are better things in life. tell her that the baby she is carrying needs someone STRONG to be there for her.. not some depressed sad single mother.... her and her baby will be better off without him. tell her you cant keep helping her if she's not going to help herself.
👍 0 👎 0
2007-11-01 2:28 am
You should talk to your friend seriously, if she truly love that guy then no matter how he treated her, (beat her up, cheat on her, abusing the kid...) she already make her decision, don't complaint, don't cry, she already choose to live this kind of life, this is a package, he is not likely to change at least in the near future. It's up to her.

As far as you it's the same, if you truly treat her as your friend, and decided to be there to help then keep doing it with no further complaints. Once you don't feel comfortable, then you should walk away or put a limitation to what you can do or help, you're not a social worker afterall, and you can only do so much. But if i am you, I'll care for the kid too, once I see any type of abuse there, you should report at once, it's sad for a child to leave the parents but it's better then before it's too late.
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