Unemployed, No Car, Depressed, Mother?

Hi there,

Let me address your issues one by one. First of all, I think your partner's decision to live in a cheap apartment seems reasonable. Moving to a different place now will result in loss of money. You need to be saving money at this point.
Second of all, you need to realize that you can get out of your seemingly desperate situation. Just approach everything by making small steps at a time. dont think like i want a good paying job - this will just overwhelm you and make you more depressed as you cant accomplish this in near future. Instead set up small but specific goals and write them down. Cross them down as you reach these goals - it will make you feel more accomplished and productive.
for example
1. by the end of this year I would like to save 500 dollars for the car payment,
2. by the end of this week go and get the driving manual to study for the driving licence,
3. in a month take the test etc... right down
4. find ways to get to where i need to go - contact local church or making new friends with cars that will help you until you purchase your own car.

Once you get the drivers license and a car, you can move on to bigger goals like finding a good job or enrolling in evening classes etc.
The key is to start with small goals and dont ever give up...Trust me, life will seem much better if you have goals to work for!

Remember everything is possible if you really want it to happen. Look on the bright side - you are not a single mother and you have a support from your childs father who is working.
Your child will grow up fast, so dont forget to cherish these moments!



All the best.

You can take classes on the computer. Tell your husband that he needs to save and buy you a cheap car. I'd talk to him before I left him. Maybe he doesn't know how bad it's really bothering you. Are there other people with kids near your house? Maybe you could do something with them.

Wow, I bet you never saw yourself ending up in this position. However I'm 28 lost my licence at 26 live with a selfish boyfriend, and just found out we're pregnant. I'm in CA and all my family and support is in MI. I have become so complacent and depressed. The thought of doing anything tward getting my license back at 2000.00 seems overwhelming with my retail job pay. Even though I'm paying 12.00 a day for cabs or being left in the street by busses. I used to be so happy, possative, and outgoing. Girl I'm telling you now not to let guilt put you in a prison of your own making. The best way to be a good mother is to be good to YOUR physical, mental, and emotional health. Our boyfriends will not do it for us! They only pasify us for a short time, but ulitmately think of themselves. When I moved across country everyone said not to, and my bf (from MI also) said he would help (have'nt seen it yet in two years). But, no, I was going to prove everyone wrong. You need to soul search, pray, or whatever to help clear your mind and some answers will come. Are there more jobs, family sitters, and transportation in the city. GO. When your alone you begin to adapt to being unhappy with no one to tell you life can be so much better. Being that trapped is not normal, you and your baby DO deserve to be happier. He will have to pay child support, and will make effort to be in the childs life if it is truley important to him. Expect him to cry, be nasy, fight, death threat, make many promises ect. when you tell him your leaving. It will be very hard. Be brave not guilty. You are not selfish, youre being better to yourself and baby than he is capable. Only you can change your situation. No matter how much you hear from me you wont change your life until you act and STICK WITH YOUR decision. Cause I'm in the same lonely boat and still sinking. E-mail me if you need to talk.

From what you wrote I think you have to focus what you really need right now. First of all, I think the most important thing is you need to save up for the car. If you go to work can your job cover the baby sitter and save up for the car? If yes, even it's a low pay job please stay in the job until you save enough for a car. If not, then go to school first.

I don't know about your state, but in california if you're low income I think you can apply for government assist, they'll pay you the child care so that you can go to work.

Is there any church or community activities that you can join? When you get to know more people and broaden your social life you probably won't feel that depress. Or since you're already a stay home mom, you may also babysitt for your neightbor hood and make some money, again you may think it's bore but focus time consuming and low pay but focus on what is important to you - a car. When you save enough for the car then you can do what you really like to do. Good luck.

WOW!!!! You have it worse than I had about 3yrs ago. Talk to him and tell him that if he doesn't do anything about this situation that you and the child will leave because you don't want to end up depressed and with your child hurt emotionally by seen you this way... this is not a life you have to be firm but try to work something meet his demands or wishes half way . Hope everything works out.

wow try to save up for a little car that is all you can do don't you have family or Friends that come and get you out of this hole?
how old is your son?
pretty soon he will start school and then what?
what do you guys do for doc appointments and when you need to go to the store?
wow you really need to talk to your man tell him this is not working income tax time is coming up maybe with your return you can get a small car
yeah school would be great but sounds like you need to get and keep a part time job too.

Good luck
the good thing is your home with your son enjoy that time
maybe start some projects at home or something.

good luck

Why not contact your local domestic violance shelter? They will help you get out.

They also will point the way to housing, and a job or schooling!

first thing is on spare times get a drivers license, then get a job, even if its a low paying one, you got to go to night school, its going to be really hard.

I would consult a local church. They will have many ways to help you out. Someone might just give you a car to get your license and allow you to borrow it. Help you find work to pay for a sitter. Sounds like you really need to find your place in life. I'm guessing that you don't have feelings for you spouse. You don't mention anything. Have you shared this with him?

You got yourself into this situation you CAN extricate yourself.

How?

Retrace your steps. How and why did you end up this way in the first place? If you can do that you may be able to see a light at the end of your tunnel.

This too will pass.