請高手幫忙改文法！

Recently, our company has provided life insurance as a new fringe benefit for the staff. This scheme is provided by CIC, which has been providing investment services for our company for many years. The scheme will protect your family with emergency fund if you pass away unfortunately. Should you wish to join the scheme, please apply on or before October 23, 2007.
Notes:
1. staff (already plural, no s required)
2. might -> will (in a certain tone, otherwise why should I join the scheme?)
3. reply (too vague, change to "apply")
4. before (to avoid ambiguity, change to "on or before" or "by")

Recently our company has launched a new life insurance scheme as a new fringe benefit for our staffs. This scheme is underwritten by CIC, which has been providing investment services to community for many years. The new scheme will provide some comforts to our staffs' direct family members, should unfortunate events happen to them. Please apply before the 23rd of October, 2007 when you wish to participate this scheme.